In the past his cr*ppy behavior would make me nervous and give me a feeling like their was something that I needed to fix.
It seems to me that reverting to sex is one way you “fix” things. When you fix you are rescuing him, but aren’t you in some way rescuing yourself, because what is rescuing or fixing anyway? Isn’t it just one way to get control over a chaotic or anxious situation and therefore isn’t it a way to sooth your fears?
In a weird way it was almost like cr*ppy behavior would make me more HD.
That makes sense to me if I think about there being a link between sex drive and anger. Could it be that the crappy behavior is a recall from your past that correlates with sex? Your thoughts on your childhood were very interesting. One thing I wonder about is how the boys treated you as a person, did they respect you, were they polite and courteous, or were they crappy? I wonder if they knew what you all were doing was wrong (or at least knew their parents would probably not approve had they known) and when the boys were alone, what would they say about the girls? Would they talk about them in disrespectful ways? It is hard for me to imagine that did not have some thoughts like this. But it is in that very situation where you learned to get approval and acceptance from males, isn’t it? So wouldn’t it make sense that your associate crappy behavior from men with high sex drive?
Also, can’t this type of group sex lead to distancing of emotions and intimacy? I am only asking since I do not have experience here (though I can dream, right? LOL!). Anyway, could this experience have caused you to focus on the physical sex part and shut down on the emotional connection part?
