Angry no more

[MJontheMend]

I am in total random talking to myself journal mode here. Please feel free to stop reading-LOL

I can't believe I had almost forgotten about my adventures at the fort. I have the tendency to date my sex life back to my first actual intercourse at 15 with a friend's 23 year old ski-bum brother but that is really wrong-minded. The whole summer I was 14 I was doing all sorts of sexual stuff with the gang at the fort. There was a rotating group of about 10 of us who used to hang out. Usually there would be a couple more boys than girls when we got together- LOL. We would sneak out of our houses at night. Somebody would usually have some weed (this was 1979 after all)or some booze absconded from the parents or begged off an older sibling. We would play cards or truth or dare or spin the bottle but one way or another it would always degenerate into sexual activity. The ringleader was one of the two boys who were my "boyfriends" that summer (not including the guy I made out with when I went on vacation with my family. His name was Rex so that meant that I was not a slut because the rule is that you are not a slut if you can remember the names of all the guys you made out with.-LOL). God, looking back on that experience it is so clear to me why I tend to prefer sex that has the emotional tenor of being fun and naughty. It's also clear to me why I never had the chance to develop much performance anxiety around sex and I can't imagine becoming LD anymore than I can imagine forgetting how to swim or ride a bicycle.

OTOH, my poor H didn't have sex until he was 22 and he told me that the first time he did it, he didn't enjoy it at all because he kept thinking "Can I do this?". The second time he tried to have sex with the same girl he couldn't get it up, undoubtedly due to anxiety, and she told him nicely that that was unusual. The second woman he had sex with was married and used him as a means of dumping her husband. The third woman he had sex with was someone I knew. She was very unattractive (which is one of the reasons I've always been mystified about my H's comments about my appearance. I am better looking by conventional standards old and chubby then this girl was in her early 20s) and my H said that was why he eventually broke up with her. So basically his sex life up until the point he hooked up with me was either non-existent or s*cky.

Maybe what I need to do is build a fort in our backyard and invite him out to play. I do have the advantage of legal access to liquor at my current age. I wonder where I can find another see-through-plastic windbreaker like the one my 14 year old boyfriend found so sexy .