Quote: My H has more problems with the fact that he can't control me than that I dominate him.
This is exactly the problem my H has with me. He does not want to allow me to just be me and get on with it and doesn't quite believe that I am happy for him to just be him. Because I don't submit I am controlling.
I believe you and I Mojo are married to men who are angry at their mothers. We replace the mother figure and so they are angry at us. There is no logic, no rhyme or reason to it. The mother figure is hugely controlling in a small boy's life and unless they have an alpha father figure who dominates the mother then they will be forever angry. There is no escaping this, there is no kind of mother to aspire to being when we raise boys that would stop this from happening. A toddler/child must be cared for in a fairly controlling manner. A child of four cannot be let to cross the road on their own. Children must be put to bed at a decent hour and not fed nothing but sweeties. It's an important job and someone has to do it. Unless the boy sees an adult alpha male who is in charge of himself and not controlled by the female he can see no way out of this situation. So no matter how sweet natured a wife he ends up with he will still be angry at the controlling mother figure.
I also think there is an element of you don't want what you can too easily get. Your H has a sex-drive and he has great times in bed with you, but there is no element of uncertainty in his mind, no element of chase. He knows he can just get it on a plate whenever he wants it. The porn girls are intriguing because he can't have them.
Just thoughts - not sure where they lead
An encounter with my H last night (fairly typical). We are suffering a heatwave here (no a/c this is Britain). H and I lying naked on the bed as it is so hot. After 5 or 10 minutes just lying there I start to very lightly stroke H's arms and chest. He appears to appreciate this and starts to stroke me lightly too. Not touching anywhere errogenous but I can feel myself getting very aroused. I feel a strong desire to be "taken". This isn't happening, the action is not escalating in anyway. I do not escalate because I don't want to be the one to do so and I'm not sure he wants me to either. After a while I say "you really are tired aren't you". He agrees. I carry on stroking him but downscale it a bit, then leave off. 2 mins later H grumbles "I am tired but now you've got me all aroused". YAARRRGGGHHHH!!!! I just hate that so much. To me either you want it or you don't. If you have just said you don't then shut up and go to sleep, if you do well AS A MAN then it is your job to take it, not my job to give it to you.
Anyhow, I stepped up to the plate and we had a good time but that's not really the point.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
