Quote: I'm curious...ask him what he meant. Tell him Hairdog wants to know.
Yeah, that would be good . My husband made a snarky comment pretty recently about all you guys on the BB. I didn't bother to respond because he knows EXACTLY what he needs to do if he wants me to never ever post on here again.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: Sorry I'd have to ask him what he meant by "testing the waters for later"...that's an odd statement. I mean...is he planning on looking at some porn with you later?
The statement was odd that is why I wanted to ask the guys about it. I guess he probably just meant he was trying to figure out if he was too sick to have sex by looking at the porn but that seems kind of odd too. I got some the next day so it really isn't an issue with me but just a matter of curiousity.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
At various times in our M, we were ML so often that I would look at porn to prime the motor so to speak. she was on one of her HD kicks, and we had an always say yes policy. Had to get the fires burning so I could deal with the no warmup, no foreplay, attacks. It wasnt about being bored with her (though that did happen especially early in the R, before I got a handle on my perception and attraction, and wax and wane is still inevitible.) just worn out. oh yeah and like Andy said, ideas on new pretzel shapes to twist her into, though that probably just made it worse.
Now, as a man, with my new knowledge, I would handle my SO HD kicks differently.
Quote: At various times in our M, we were ML so often that I would look at porn to prime the motor so to speak. she was on one of her HD kicks, and we had an always say yes policy. Had to get the fires burning so I could deal with the no warmup, no foreplay, attacks. It wasnt about being bored with her (though that did happen especially early in the R, before I got a handle on my perception and attraction, and wax and wane is still inevitible.) just worn out. oh yeah and like Andy said, ideas on new pretzel shapes to twist her into, though that probably just made it worse.
I get the prime the motor thing. I have watched WAY too many hours of porn with my H because I did try to be understanding of this concept. Watching porn and then having sex is now as boring to me as constant missionary position with the lights out would be to most men. What do you mean by pretzel shapes making things "worse"?
Quote: Now, as a man, with my new knowledge, I would handle my SO HD kicks differently
How so?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I meant make it worse in the sense that it would make her more HD, because of anticipation, variety, not knowing what to expect and the satisfaction women derive from being man handled and opened up. If it would have been vanilla/predictable, it would wear off sooner maybe.
I understand the associative ick related to the porn, and non EC fcuking. have the same from the reconcil.
How so.... For a long time there x and I were doing PBTS type stuff without being aware of it. When things fell apart it had degenerated to just fcuking. it was alot but there was very little EC. on my side just cause Im HD and was trying to maintain some EC? while being in my cave, on her side probably because of the creeping PEA/infatuation. but it was just mechanical/aggresive type fcuking. For both of us. <head shake> So now that I know about PBTS and I KNOW about PBTS, I would try to maintain it. Currently I wonder about my HD. IRL I present myself as extreme Omega male. (thanks for that differentiation, btw. I stole it immediately.) Women know any R is just going to be casual, but I feel ND. I feel exactly the same way about sex/porn/stripclubs, etc. So boring. I think Im broken. Not very male. dont care though. lol.
oh yeah. wanted to say, are you holding the BB over your H's head like a club? At his age, or just being him, even if things are excellent between you too, he may not be able to do 8x a week.
I cant imagine it anymore. I can remember it,(TMI I can remeber 8x in one day. ow.) but I cant imagine it again. <shrug> good thing. got 9 more months too go. Lots of improvement in the past month for me, dealing exactly with the anger/depression dynamic, from karens post.
Glad you are getting some hig maintenace lovin (not just sex) from your H.
Being previously LD and uncomfortable with my sexuality... I would sometimes try and 'prime the pump,' so to speak. I would venture out and look at this or this other thing, for ideas, for stretching purposes... and if I got BUSTED doing that!? Yikes.
Next time you catch your H doing that... and I think your response was spot on... let him go. Let him know you know... but don't really say anything. You don't really need to know what it means... unless he starts going underground... you have to watch that... but on his own time... he is trying to stretch himself, at least, I think. Baby stpes, honey, baby steps. Maybe one time you can ask him if you can look with him, kwis? Keep it almost clinical if you do.... let him know what interests you, what doesn't... but keep it almost clinical so he doesn't feel uncomfortable.
That's my take. I'd take it as a good sign. Don't push, but keep watching. Voyeur that you are.
Sometimes, having been an LD... I think that you HD women need to back off just a bit. A woman will ALWAYS lead in the bedroom. Meaning... she will indicate readiness. That doesn't mean she will be the agressor... but it will mean that she tells her man she is ready.
For an LD guy, you need to give him room to summon his courage, and you need to subtly let him step up to lead. An HD man will do this automatically. It's built into his DNA. But an HD man will KNOW when his woman wants it.
Now... you can suggest things... you certainly can tell him what you like... but you have GOT to let him lead. Period. If you don't... he'lll uhm... deflate. kwis? Or he just won't go there.
The dif that I have noticed about say you and me is.... you have no doubt what you want and how you want it. You can express it, in very blunt terms. Me... not so easy. I know what I want, and how I want it done... I struggle against how vulnerable that makes me to a man by verbalizing it.
Do you see? Somewhere between you and me is the key. We just have to figure it out.
Okay... I'm just doing field study here, so don't take me at my word. But I've been doing a LOT of pondering on this issue, and I mean a LOT. So.. take it for what it is worth... try some things out... experiment.
I've been wondering what an LD man and an LD woman might have in common. I can spaak to you from my angle... certanly. From an LD view... my vulnerability is key. My fear. My weaknesses. My williingenss to expose them. I have a hard time doing that with my best friend on the planet, who has known me longer than anyone besides my family members... so.
I'm wondering if an LD man doesn't have issues with his own weaknesses and vulnerability.... so much as he does YOURS. Meaning... most HD women here have no problem saying what they want, when they want it and how they want it. Not a problem for an HD man. No problem whatsoever. He revels in it.
An LD man... different story. He wants to lead... but you already do. He wants to be the aggressor, but you already are. He wants to please you... but you've already mapped it out for him.
Uhm, don't take this wrong... but he's almost already henpecked, kwis? And you are not being a 'girl.' You are not letting him sweep you away. You are not letting him charge in on his white horse and rescue you from your desire.
I know, this seems bass asckwards. But sometimes I think that 'womenn' need to learn how to be girls, and girls need to learn how to be women. And you and I, gilr/women that we are, need to learn when and where to bring each out. kwis? It's like a man and a woman driving in a car together. If lost, a woman will stop almost immediately and ask for directions. A guy just HAS to figure it out on his own. It's no FUN stopping and asking for directions. Ruins the game and the clock monitor on the trip... which he WILL beat the next time. And no, you are NOT stopping to PEE, thank you. You'll mess up my TIME.
I'm poking my nose in on this cause I know what you are saying. I absolutely agree with this (I know, this seems bass asckwards. But sometimes I think that 'womenn' need to learn how to be girls, and girls need to learn how to be women.)
This is something I struggled with at the beginning of my M. I had become so accustomed to doing things for and by myself...that I had to learn to let go and let my H do things for me (you know, be more girlie). It was 2nd nature for me to just make repairs and do the stuff around the house that would typically be "mans work" etc...I realized my H felt useless to me. It really didn't matter that I was with him because I chose to be....HE felt useless to me. I can imagine that those women that Mojo's H referred to as too smart to be sexy probably give off an "I don't need you" vibe too. KWIM?
Corri I dont see Mr.Mojo being unsure with what to do with nudie typepics. .
He may have felt caught, but thats one of those radically honest things, that can be difficult for some/most.
I totally agree with what you and GEL are talking about. The best word I can think of to describe the dynamic is something Haphazard mentioned a while back
Surrender.
When you show enough strength and a woman trusts you enough to surrender, it creates an amazing feeling in both parties. When as a man you start doing things where she no longer feels safe surrendering, or she doesnt have the environmental conditions, self awareness to surrender, ... just because its what she needs to do, then things start going haywire.
Just another way to intellectualize the idea of crashing insecurities.
oh yeah. IMO a man surrendering to a woman is not a recipe for success. opening a door to the inside now and then definitely is necessary. .... Ill have to ruminate on that somemore.
This discussion has reminded me of the title of a book from the 1950's called "The Power of Sexual Surrender." Here's some stuff about it (FWIW). Interesting ideas, particularly in the second quote re alpha males.
Quote: The Power of Sexual Surrender By Henry Makow Ph.D. May 29, 2002
Marie N. Robinson MD, a Cornell educated psychiatrist devoted her New York City practice to the treatment of frigidity. Her small book, The Power of Sexual Surrender (1958) is the sanest work on feminine psychology ever written. In a world where thousands of self-help books are published, this eloquent guide to sexual health and happiness is out of print. The reason? It is politically incorrect.
Dr. Robinson writes that a woman's identity lies in an "essential feminine altruism." A woman's self-expression and power is based on making her husband and children her first priority. Similarly, her sexual satisfaction and spiritual fecundity depend on self-surrender.
Robinson says men and women are different by nature. Men are designed for mastery of the external (physical) world, and women for mastery of the internal (spiritual) world and the home. These are not social stereotypes, as feminists argue. "Women are designed for duties different from those of the marketplace, another kind of stress entirely," writes Robinson. They "tend to lose their essential womanliness if they stay [in the marketplace] by choice." (149)
Dr. Robinson says that millions of American women suffer from frigidity. While she explores many complex causes in detail, she notes that frigid women universally adopt the feminist view. This view (that men exploit woman and a career as a wife and mother is demeaning) creates an "emotional logjam" that impedes sexual response and psychological development.
According to Robinson, modern women have an identity crisis because they think they are no longer needed as women. Before the industrial revolution, the home was the center of all life and a woman was the indispensable center of the home. She prepared clothing and food, reared and trained the children and helped with farm tasks. The industrial revolution seemed to make women obsolete. Everything could be bought in stores. The home was empty. Children went to school, husbands to work. Children were not needed and were even considered a liability.
Woman's response was to turn against her own femininity. Mary Wollstonecraft launched feminism with her book Vindication of the Rights of Women (1792). Proclaiming that women were identical to men, she dedicated feminism to the achievement of maleness in women. According to Robinson, "the feminist credo thoroughly discredited feminine needs and characteristics and substituted male goals for female goals."(53)
The other response to the industrial revolution was not feminist, but "Victorian" but it also rejected femininity. Robinson says Victorian women took "revenge" on men by denying women had any sexual feelings. They "were amazingly successful in convincing men in general and even the scientists of the day that frigidity was indeed a basic attribute of the female." (54)
Thus, feminists and Victorian women laid the foundations for modern female neurosis.
"The depreciation of the goals of femininity, biological and psychological, became part and parcel of the education of millions of American girls. Homemaking, childbearing and rearing, cooking, the virtues of patience, lovingness, givingness in marriage, have been systematically devalued. The life of male achievement has been substituted for the life of female achievement." (55)
The feminist-Victorian antagonism to men was handed down from mother to daughter so that "to millions of women, hostility towards the opposite sex seems almost a natural law. Although many a modern women may pay lip service to the ideal of a passionate and productive marriage to a man, underneath she deeply resents her role, conceives of the male as fundamentally hostile to her, as an exploiter of her. She wishes in her deepest heart, and often without the slightest awareness of the fact, to supplant him, to exchange roles with him." (emphasis mine, 56)
Robinson says that women have blamed their problems on the outside world instead of looking within for the real problem and the real solution. She says that if feminism had brought women happiness in relationships or careers, the game might have been worth it.
"But it hasn't been. The game has brought frigidity and restlessness and a soaring divorce rate, neurosis, homosexuality, juvenile delinquencyall that results when a woman in any society deserts her true function." (56)
Dr. Robinson writes that once the emotional "log jam" is removed, a woman's natural instincts will flow and health will be restored. Essentially this involves "allowing herself to trust her husband in a very deep sense. It means that she finally realizes that she no longer has to fear or oppose his strength, but that she can rely on it to protect her, to give her the secure climate necessary for the full flowering of her femininity." (153)
On the other hand, the woman who mistrusts her husband's love and, as a consequence, her own femininity has a "difficult, painful, frenetic" approach to life. She is at war with herself.
In bed, she has to feel "in control all the time." For a profound vaginal orgasm, Robinson writes, "the excitement comes from the act of surrender. There is a tremendous surging physical ecstasy in the yielding itself, in the feeling of being the passive instrument of another person..." (158)
Robinson regards the clitoris as a masculine vestige. She implies that even if a woman is sexually active and mechanically adept she may still be frigid. Feminine sexuality depends on "absolute trust" in a man, which enables a woman to fully receive and fully respond.
Dr. Robinson believes that there is nothing in life as important as love. Marriage is the key to our development as human beings. It is through this relationship that the power of love is felt in the world.
"Love means, in its very deepest sense union; union between individuals...It is the most basic and profound urge we have and its power for good is illimitable... the lover partner becomes as important as oneself...This fact is why real love never leads to domination or to a struggle for power..." (129)
The significance of The Power of Sexual Surrender is profound.
By coercing women to abandon their femininity and usurp the male role, feminism throws a spanner [monkey wrench] in the natural heterosexual mechanism of humanity. The consequences are dire. Millions of women are condemned to emotional and physical isolation. Similarly, men are deprived of the role of protector and provider essential to their psychological development and fulfillment.
The triumph of such a manifestly wrongheaded ideology, and the suppression of the truth, signifies that control in the world has passed to a malignant force. As I have shown in previous articles an amoral elite power fosters feminism as part of a long-term agenda to dislodge western civilization from its religious and cultural moorings. The tax-exempt foundations, the elite media, the CIA and the Communist Party of the USA are all behind the promotion of sexual dysfunction in the guise of feminism. The purpose is to destroy the nuclear family, decrease population, stunt human development and destabilize society. Our government is part of this elite agenda that aims to create a materialist, fascist "New World Order". Feminists who oppose the NWO are unwitting agents of it.
Finally, where does this leave the female "identity crisis"? Men and women must be free to find fulfillment in any way they please. A woman can have a career. Robinson's work suggests that a woman need not give up her femininity if her career takes second place to her love of husband and family. The world (men women and child alike) is starved for the feminine principle: beauty, grace, love. This article could as easily have been titled: "Wanted: A Few Good Women."
(Henry Makow is the author of A Long Way to go for a Date. He received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto. He welcomes your feedback and ideas at henry@savethemales.ca.)
Quote: R. Don Steele offers his views on Women and Love and Life. Author of the #1 selling dating book at amazon Body Language Secrets.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
SEXUAL SURRENDER
New research indicates that parts of the brain that govern fear and anxiety are switched off when a woman is having an orgasm. It was also found that as a woman climaxes, an area of the brain that governs emotional control is also heavily deactivated.
"The fact that there is no deactivation in faked orgasms means a basic part of a real orgasm is letting go," said neuroscientist Gert Holstege, presenting his findings Monday at the annual meeting of the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology.
Brain activity was measured during rest, while they faked an orgasm and while they experienced genuine orgasm. When women faked the part of the brain governing conscious action lit up. It was not activated during genuine orgasm. The most striking results were seen in the parts of the brain that shut down.
"During orgasm, there was strong, enormous deactivation in the brain. During fake orgasm, there was no deactivation of the brain at all. None," Holstege said. "It looks like to have an orgasm, you need to not be fearful or full of anxiety."
STEELE SEZ: Homo sapiens are mammals. In the world of mammals, the female willingly submits to being mounted and penetrated by the male she chooses from all the males courting her. Other than homo sapiens, female mammals capable of orgasm achieve orgasm regularly and often. Among primitive human cultures the results are the same. As anthropologist Margaret Mead noted, in Samoa all women orgasm.
Female mammals do not doubt the joy of sexual surrender. It is natural and normal until religion or feminism or MTV intervene.
In America, although the homo sapiens female submits to being penetrated, she often does not surrender sexually. There are many reasons why she chooses not to: she does not admire and respect the male, she believes that sexual surrender leads to being controlled by the male, or she fears pregnancy. There are many others.
Only about 30% of women achieve orgasm via intercourse in the United States. 100% of Samoan women did in the 1930s.
The Power of Sexual Surrender is the only rational work on feminine sexual psychology ever written. Marie N. Robinson MD, psychiatrist, devoted her practice to the treatment of frigidity. Politically incorrect, it is out of print!
[snip]
STEELE SUMMARIZES: The term "sexual surrender" means an emotional yielding that allows a woman to sexually let loose, freely and completely. To achieve this, the woman must TRUST herself first and must also DEEPLY TRUST the man.
Men, you must earn her trust in you. How? By being a man in the fullest sense of being a strong, reliable, protector and provider. And being assertive and dominant when required.
All of the above presumes that you are an experienced lover, capable of seduction and foreplay, plenty of self confidence and self respect and all the while you radiate burning desire thru every pore!
And you can sustain rhythmic thrusting for a minimum of 10 minutes. Beyond that, her orgasm requires that she TRUST herself and surrenders.
When you have earned her trust and are a self confident man, it is up to her to COME to the party.
This is here because many men belive that they are responsible for the woman's orgasm. They are up to a point. I just want men to know when they have done all that they can!
. My husband made a snarky comment pretty recently about all you guys on the BB. I didn't bother to respond because he knows EXACTLY what he needs to do if he wants me to never ever post on here again. 
