when you ask her what her needs are, do you listen and validate? Do you come straight back and say what your needs are? Might be best to do this in separate sittings otherwise it could be percieved as both of you waiting for the other one to stop talking so that you get a chance to lay out your agenda - just a suggestion.
cat03 is right on - if your W has to ask you before you do something, its nowhere near as appreciated as being proactive - I speak from very personal experience
Also, looking at this thread and your other thread about golfing, there's a common theme apparent - effective communication. You may want to read some of the books recommended on this BB about effective ways of communication to see if this is an area for improvement,
