Finally

[haphazard]

For instance, I would be much more inclined to go along with my H's 5 year plan for our marriage rather than my own if I had a clear sense of what his 5 year plan might be. It freaks me out to follow his lead when I don't have any sense where he's going or even what dance we're attempting. I would be positively delighted if he were to say something with conviction like "I want to move to Nevada and start a cactus farm.".

Couldn't agree more MJ (like the new handle by the way), H is not good at leading the dance either - literally or figuratively. I was a Math major too, but I didn't find myself having to translate - I just have a boy brain although it has definitely been "feminised" by having kids which probably is the hormones. I've never suffered from PMS, sailed through adolescence as if it wasn't happening and I can see myself doing the same during menopause (my mum barely noticed it). However I am still a girly girl, love shoes, makeup etc.

My MIL is a very feminine woman and according to her women should never be in charge "because of their hormones". This makes me so mad - she shouldn't tar us all with the same brush. I agree that old-guard feminism has been too rigid in its belief that there are NO differences between men and women that's just rubbish. When my D arrived on the scene we had no "girl" toys in the house she just got on and played with whatever toys were around so no socialisation into girliness. She would however roll up a towel or a blanket and cuddle it and call it her baby. Equally she appears to have a math brain (as far as one can tell at 4) she can easily do simple addition and subtraction in her head, she could stack the stacking cups in order at 18 months and she can memorise sequences and patterns. S7 on the other hand is hopeless at maths, good at language, a total boy otherwise - only interested in football or fight-type role play. I think what feminism or any anti-discrimination campaign should be about is that we are all INDIVIDUALS and that you shouldn't discriminate against someone doing a particular job for no other reason than gender (like MIL saying women can't be bosses), however the majority of women and the majority of men will still prefer the traditional roles. They will be drawn to the areas which they are most comfortable with.

I think it is time that the pendulum swung back the other way, but I don't think you can label people by their biology. Everyone needs to be looked at as an individual and treated as such. Of course it's true that women think differently to men, we have a different experience of life, we walk round in a different shape body, we have different expectations about what our lives will be about. Our bodies can do this magical thing - grow new people! I strongly believe that little girls grow up with a kind of inner confidence based on knowing they have a hugely important role to play. I believe boys grow up with a mission to figure out what their role is and thereby are more interested in making themselves expert at something - to give themselves that sense of indespensibility which comes more naturally to girls. I absolutely hate reproductive technologies - with all due respect to anyone who has IVF kids. I can understand an individual deciding to use IVF or whatever but I think as a society we will lose out big-time when reproduction is taken away from women - and it will happen.

Fran