I think it is about balancing the nice guy with traits of a not-so-nice guy. There is little or no challenge to a nice guy that rolls over and loses his perspective in life - hence making your woman a journey. As TJ puts it, you need to provide the sense that she is going on that journey. Look at ANY romance novel. They aren't about "nice" guys per se - more about those that are on an adventure, and the woman is swept away by it all....
All too often we allow ourselves to settle into the duldrums of life and forget how to live. When we distance, just enough - set boundaries and allow ourselves to live - the we become "alive" again...and that much more attractive.
I can recall the WAW telling me how much she wanted to "live in the moment..." (which BTW, she cannot - you have to be really careful about pulling anything spontaneous). That is what attracted her to the OM - he did and he was a complete jerk to her - which she liked to a degree. She would turn to ME when she needed emotional support.
So my 180 was to balance the two. I have STOPPED allowing myself to be stepped on (remember the story from vacation) - but I have also stepped up my efforts to be there for her - other night when I was DYING to go to bed, but she wanted to talk after work - so I listened.
So it really is about taking your spouse on a journey. Hence, why the P&A 180 can be so powerful. "I prefer YOU, but I am moving on. And I'll miss you if you don't come". Also for me, I recall WAW saying "I just don't know if I am making the right choice". "You won't know, if you DON'T try" her mutual friend kept telling her....
If you can pull this off and be true to yourself, then imagine how much you have grown....
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
