BTW- I think I'm going to tell her I'm applying for MENSA membership tommorrow. I was going to join years ago but figured they were a bunch of ego maniacs. Actually now I realize I didn't join because of my own self esteem. but that has changed and I feel pretty damn good about myself.
Although joining MENSA would be totally for me it would throw her for a loop.
There's a chapter about an hour from here. I passed the tests to get in years ago with no problem. I'm pretty confident I'd have no problem getting in.
Awesome stuff....the beauty of the P & A 180 is twofold....we let THEM go and when we do, we find OURSELVES....and that's pretty darned cool.....big breath and more of the same....the symbolism of the tape being right there waiting to be listened to is not to be ignored....
Something really leapt out at me during this thread - your thoughts on her being the pursuer....YES...on several levels....first, the DB seesaw - the less you pursue, the more she does....back and forth....but also, there's a whole broader dynamic going on...male/female interactions....
By that I mean this....when we men pursue, we come across as needy and available - and that's okay (Not really ) *after* the hunt and game is over - but not during. This is why "nice guys" get the shaft - esp when we pursue like mad.....
But when we walk away, suddenly we're interesting and intriguing and wtf? she can't have us? Oh - that'll NEVER do! And back she comes with a vengence....especially if we're off having fun on our own....what we can't have always seems soooo much more interesting that what's being thrown at us....
If I've learned anything during the past year about women, X, it's this - women want to be taken ON an adventure - but they don't want to BE the adventure.....lotta nuance there....but it certainly fits for me....
More of the same, my friend - this is NOT the time to slide or waver....let her wash to you....
Strength and honor and kudos and hell yes on Mensa....it'd be all the better if she DIDN'T approve!
Xue, you made me realize what I need from my H--I want him to be proud of me and proud to be my H. That gives me some clarity. Thank you. Keep making her feel good about herself as much as possible and you'll go far. Matilda
Really concrete's some ideas in for me. Still working on the "taken on an adventure VS being an adventure stuff/ Perhaps you can elaborate.
I was actually surprised this week. I thought she would take the opportunity to run and stay up the hill. She didn't even so much as mention it. She did think about it I think (there is a visual cue she gives) but never went and never mentioned it.
Early in the week she intitiated a kiss whn I gave her space. I'll continue to do so.
I'm acting indifferent when I get the opportunity to.
Yes the Mensa thing would really be a threat to her at this point. Her C convinced her that if she Divorced me that we could go on happily the same way and there would be no changes. As strange as it seems she's had in her head that we would continue to run our business together in exactly the same way, take our meals together, hang out together. All exactly the same as being married but we'd just go to different homes after it all and have different spouses.
For some reason the fact that her C divorced and not only split up the marriage but also the business she had with her husband. She talks about these nice amicable divorces and how to do it yet she doesn't have one. GGRRRR.
That has been our underlying argument. I know it can't happen, especially in our business.. As much as she likes to believe her position is completely independent of me, its not. Sure part of it is but the stuff the public sees is not. Easiest way to think of it is like that of the first lady. If the first lady Divorced the Pres and he remarried the new first lady would certainly take over many roles. The ex first lady wouldn't have much left. This is something she's not thought through but if I were to bring it up then it causes problems. So I don't. I'm fairly confident that at some point it has to enter her head.
I have another business I started not long ago. Nothing big but it had potential. Yesterday some big things happened with it. All of a sudden everyone wanted to hire me. But not only that it involves us deeply in the planning of this community. Really puts me in the limelight. Now I'm not much into that but she is. She would never admit it. Wednesdays meeting was with all of the bigshots in town and the focus was on me. She's not involved with that business and has made that very clear but now all of a sudden she is. She went to the meeting with me. When I didn't sit with her she made a point of me sitting with her in front of everyone. Some big things happened and now all of a sudden it's all about We. We're gonna do this. We're gonna do that. And putting her input in as to certain aspects of running the business.
She also asked about her and I having a meeting on the progress of our other business. I said I didn't need one, it would just slow me down. HA ha. Too bad.
So I will certainly not in any way argue the point. I was doing it before by bringing up the ill fortune of a couple who are divorcing and have run their multimillion dollar business into bankruptcy. I will not do that anymore. She needs to be able to forsee the consequences of her actions on her own. But then of courzse if it my actions then that's ok. Indifference, joining Mensa, having a great time, smiling back at the women that smile at me. That's not arguing, that's DB'ing.
Yeah and by the way that nice guys always get the shaft thing has always bothered me. I have always been the victim of it but didn't want to change myself to not be the nice guy, that's just me. But maybe there's a work around.
