Did it work? Well, I really don't know. But it has seemed to. Looking around more last night after writing I see that the place is even cleaner than I thought. She went through and organized like crazy. And her things are neatly put away. Now with her cleaning like that is a sign that she's in thinking mode and a little nervous.
Looking at the caller ID for yesterday she was trying to find me. Calling here several times before I got here.
She was very loving on the phone when I did speak to her.
I'm thinking these couple of days apart are very good.
From our conversation I think she implied that she wanted to come back but my manipulations were stopping her from doing so. I could be totally wrong but I felt good about it.
One thing that struck me is what the conversation did not contain. Previous R talks were all full of her mind was made up and why wasn't I listening stuff. Everything she said back then was basically her saying it's over and why wasn't I listening to it. Why didn't I believe it. The whole conversation was about her telling me that I wasn't listening to what she said. She didn't love me, we made a mistake, all that stuff.
This conversation contained none of that. It's absence actually shocked me in a good way. She only talked negative about my actions (controlling behaviour) not about me (no absolutes). The conversation really sounded like she wanted to come back but I was stopping her.
Going back in our history (pre-marriage) instances like this are what brought us together. Even way back in the beginning. One night after we had gotten together. I had not called or pursued her in any way. The reason I had not pursued is that I was shocked she was chasing me. She was way out of my league I thought and I was probably intimidated to call her even though we had already slept together. So she shows up at my house, it's late and I'm already in bed (college days and had been drinking way to much). My brother answers the door and insists that I'm not there. She pushes her way through him and comes to my room. I can leave the details to your imagination. I was in Heaven. It's been a joke for years that my brother is responsible for us getting married through this one act of defiance.
Many years later, we had dated, had a terrible breakup (I'll leave the details out but she was pursuing someone she couldn't have Hmmm) and had gotten together to date casually. She had looked me up. We dated a few times and then we had a bit of a blow up. She didn't want to date me unless it was absolutely intended to go nowhere. Actually at the time she felt she was still in love with someone who had left her without any contact. He had moved out of state. she had written him but no reply. His new girlfriend who became his wife who became his ex wife had intercepted the letters. This is what came up in counseling when she dropped the bomb. She thought she was in love with him. She later figured out that she wasn't.
Anyway when I got angry, blew up and said "fine, I'm not interested in dating you" 10 minutes later we ended up in bed after she had been resisting me all night. That was the start of our new relationship.
So this went on. We spent all our time together but we were not a couple. Yeah right. Until one days she says she's preparing to move away to go back to college. I freak out and start to pursue. I mention that maybe we should live together. Bam, huge blow up and she throws me out. Over the course of the next few days I finally get mad and walk away, I quit calling her. Can you guess what happened next?
Is it obvious?
...
Yep, we got married.
Does anyone see a pattern here?
I am really realizing that my woman is a huntress. She does not want to be pursued she wants to pursue. Intelecctually she wants to know that she is safe and secure. Emotionally she wants to be challenged and pursue. That is what brings the passion. That is the key.
Stability does not incite passion. Security does not incite passion.
Freedom incites passion. Pursuit incites passion.
It is quite obvious, desire is the root of passion. As humans we do not desire what we already have. We desire what we do not have.
How can passion exist in the presence of security? If I pursue it kills her passion for me. It would make sense that If I run away it incites it.
