I certainly will make sure that it fixed. I think it has been but I'll really make sure.
Things seem to still get continually better.
More touching lately. When the two of us are talking to other people she now reaches out to touch me and look me in the eye. Kind of a mutual support thing.
Sitting closer and stuff like that.
And one big change. The other day she wanted to take the day and go visit her friends. She asked if that was ok. I asked if she was going to spend the night there and she again asked if that was ok several times. It's not that I would ever tell her no or am controlling at all. Just like to be conferred with on plans.
When the bomb was dropped that was one of the biggies. In the top two. She said she didn't want to have to ask anyone to go or do anything. Then for the last year or more she has just left without saying a word til the last minute. She was proving a point. She would have plans that she had made weeks ahead and could have easily mentioned it, but she wouldn't. She'd wait til the last minute and walk out saying she was leaving for the weekend or whatever.
So the other day she asked several times if it was ok with me even though I had already told her I thought it was a great idea.
She's been having dreams about the guy she was in love with at 18 and telling me about them. She hates this guy so much she just believes in her own head that he is dead. The other night she was telling me and she said how miserable her life was being in love with this guy. I thought that was not only quite a statement to me but also a healing statement for her. I'm quite certain she is redefining love in her own mind and has been working on this for a while.
There have been a few moments on the mat working out that I swear seemed a little hot. Physical contact on the mat is inevitable but this seemed different. Could be imagining or just plain horny but it hasn't happened before.
I'm almost nervous about touching her, wierd.
I don't have the anxieties anymore about not having S. Of course I want it but it doesn't get to me emotionally anymore like it's an attack on me. I just go with it.
Hope all is well with everyone. Just wanted to get on here and journal.
