It was time for a new thread not only because mine was about to lock down but also because I can feel a change coming on.
Things have been really good the last week or so. Well in our R anyway. Life has brought us a great deal of stress but the stress sources have also caused a positive turn.
As I said before a WAS is causing problems in our business. She's just plain whacked and is bringing other people into her self created miserable life. They sympathize with her because she is very talented at manipulating others and makes up plenty of lies to do so. But her lies just don't hold water.
Although my wife never came close to doing any of the crap that this woman did (I doubt I'd have tried to save the marriage if she had) it still brought things to the surface. Namely ILYBINILWY. This woman said that and my wife thought it was unique to us. So my wife and I have found ourselves defending the husband. It is our policy to not interfere in the lives of others in our business (they always try to drag us in) but this sitch got so intertwined with it that we had to do damage control.
Then our D17 (for those that don't know the sitch she's not really ours but we treat her as such, just a girl that needed a place to go and wound up in our lives) is in love. Like I read in Phoenix's thread she's in love with a loser and it just kills me.
I just figured out that this guy is emotionally extremely similiar to her real mother. A manipulative needy mess. AAArgh. The R totally duplicates the R with her mother. It's scary.
So the sitch has brought up memories of 18 year old love. Bad memories for her. It was an extreme case of statutory rape. I have never realized before the deep levels of harm this has caused.
So last night she decided to discuss this with me. This is monumental. She has always hidden things from me that she felt would upset me. She told me how his green eeyes and smooth tongue left her powerless. She told me about her dream that he was in the night before. She dreamed about him being old and decrepid and ridiculous. Powerless. Major symbolism here. Although the conversation was lighthearted now I am realizing it's implications.
She mentioned another boyfriend and started to say "I know you don't like to hear it" And then mentioned he was just a dumb guy (this is someone who is still in our circle of friends) I said "He doesn't bother me at all, he's just a big dumb oaf" She smiled at this.
Opening the door to intimacy?
I think she feels she can tell me anything now. We've never been here before, she has always protected me and now that I think about that that is an unequal relationship. Not that she will need to tell me everything but the knowledge that she can and it doesn't matter one way or the other has got to feel good.
I understand the control issues much better now. She felt so powerless in the relationship from when she was a girl. Although I'm not at all a smooth talker like that guy, as a matter of fact I'm quite the opposite, I'd rather talk about real things. But I can be controlling through logic. I have my ways. Regardless it is control.
Now I know why she doesn't like my brother, smooth talking womanizer that he is.
We had an awesome date last night. Spent way to much money since we're saving up for a big investment opportunity that fell in our laps. But whatever the cost, it was worth a fortune.
She called me honey a few times but did it in a non affectionate way. Just testing the waters I think.
Over the last week she has stated to me that we are not having any more children many times. This was recently a non issue because she planned on leaving. It being an issue is awesome.
I think that we may have close to sleeping together again except for one thing, poison oak. What luck huh, she's got a bad case of it. Oh well it will heal like everything else.
well if there was something I could do from the other side of the world I would but am sending sexy kharma thoughts your way or more your w's way as I don't think you need them you have enough of your own bj
Thanks for the vibes. You've always been able to send them around the world. I do feel them
Cat,
Hugs yes, occassionally but that is the key. To many becomes needy real fast. Hand holding for us is the big one. When that happens it's a done deal. So I haven't pushed it. Very easy to get rejected on hat one and set us back. I'm really letting the tide turn to her chasing me and that seems to be working.
Well she went up the hill and came back with a lot of bags and boxes and such (full ones). I would venture a guess (a pretty educated one) that she's officially moved back in. But again mentioning it would be bad so I'm pretending I don't notice.
But today I have to vent about soemthing that is really nothing but I still need to vent.
We went to our holistic health practitioner today and she tells us to hold off on having sex for a week or so. It seems I've got some parasite from my trip to Mexico and she doesn't want it passed to W.
So the funny thing is we both act like we've got a perfectly normal sex life. W says "yeah I don't want to catch that gross stuff"
So anyway it stressed me for some reason. But I'm thinking maybe I can turn it around after I get over it stressing me out. Maybe something like "I'm trying real hard to get over this so we can start having sex again"
We set an appointment for next week to check on it.
Damn, things are feeling like maybe we're close, her poison oak is nearly healed, just that old desire thing causing anxiety.
I know so many on this board would love to be in my shoes but it still gets me.
Quote: "I'm trying real hard to get over this so we can start having sex again"
most definately and at the healthy persons office make sure you say (with a witness) when you are given the all clear so does this mean we can have sex tonight and smile like the cheshire cat
do you hold her hand and give her quick hugs now and then? does she react to that?