Quote: I want to clarify here. Emily is, if anything, in worse shape than she was 29 pages ago when she started posting in the infidelity forum, and I don't think she's made any progress in the more than 85 pages that she's generated altogether, because she is completely unwilling to change herself. At least, in the beginning, she pretended to have some integrity. All that everyone here has accomplished, with considerable effort, has been to make her lie, use her kids as weapons, and try to sleep around. She has not taken one single piece of advice from anyone -- on many occasions she has said that she would, but then she's really done the exact opposite.
I do not believe that Emily is incapable of change. I do believe, though, that she won't change. There are over 85 pages of sitch to support that contention.
There are plenty of people on these forums who really do want help, who aren't on this board just to jerk people around. Personally, though I'm certainly not trying to tell anyone else what to do, I think we should be spending our time helping them instead giving Emily the enjoyment of playing her little games.
RB GO TO HELL!!! You are some kind of Christian . . the exact kind that makes me question my faith. When some one is falling and failing . . . fumbling blindly. . . are you suppose to spit at them? NO Sorry that my faith isn't the strongest. But I tell you right now God is shaking his head at half the people on this planet . . . I may be one of them . . but at least I'll admit it . . will you?
I have NEVER lied to any of you . . HOW DARE YOU EVEN MENTION IT RB . . .
I have some VERY ignorant thoughts that I will NOT put here? Know why RB? Because I am better than that. Why aren't you?
I have nothing left for this crap. I do deserve better than to have A COMPLETE STRANGER go through all my emotional bullshit and point fingers at EVERY mistake I have EVER made. I am NOT perfect and I am A WORK IN progress. Thank you all who ACTUALLY cared (Amy, GH, Alimari, Frank, Santhony, T2SP, Muddle . . and countless others.) for sharing this much of the journey with me . . .
Please don't get upset. Everyone is just trying to help you. We all have different wasy of giving advice or handling situations. I agree that some people can be real harsh on here and you have the option to listen to them or not. We are all trying for the same things though. We all want our lives back the way they were but we can't have that. No matter what each of us goes through, the past is the past.
Sometimes harsh reality is what we need to wake ourselves up. All of these posts have been a lot so you need to take a break and regroup. Don't let it get your blood pressure up. Go out and enjoy the day with your girls.
You can't question a faith that you don't have. What makes me angry is hypocrites who claim to be Christians at the same time they are asking how they can get some casual sex, and thereby hurt that faith that I have. If you had any faith in God at all, you would not be acting the way that you are.
Quote: I am NOT perfect and I am A WORK IN progress.
Yeah, through the help of this board, you've started smoking again, decided to pursue casual sex while married, accused your H of being an abuser and planned to keep your kids from ever seeing him again.
Where's the progress, Emily? You are not a work in progress. You are at the exact spot you were 85 pages ago, Emily, completely focused on your selfish emotions, with no real concern for your kids and the unfortunate life they are going to have.
Please Emily, tell me one way that you have made any real progress in personal change. I'd love to hear it.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Quote: decided to pursue casual sex while married,
NO . . . I believe . . that it was mentioned . . but did I run out and F^&k the first guy I saw? NO . . . I have I ever . . . NO . . . Will I ever . . . NO
Do you honestly think you know me well enough to know every move I will make? Hopefully not because WOW would you be WAY off base.
Yes my children may end up having an "unfortunate" life . . but WTF gives you the right to doom me and them? WTF gives you the right to pass judgement on me at all? Did God look at you today RB and say . . hey go tell Emily she's being stupid?
Don't you think I know when I fup? I do.
Let me tell ya . . if you could have met me in Dec. when my H kicked me out . . then you would see the same progress I see. BUT since you haven't been in my life for even with my sitch for that long . . guess you're basing is a little off.
Let me tell ya . . . hate women all you want . . . but at least take it out on the one that's hurting you. I have done NOTHING to you . . YOU DON'T LIKE ME? STOP READING . . . that simple . . I NEVER asked you to come back and laugh at me and attack me yesterday like you did. NEVER . . .
RB, i think you took emilys anger away from her husband and towards you. that is probably a good thing. emily, if you go off on your husband half as bad as you are with RB i can see why your problems reside in your marriage. try ANGER MANAGEMENT. it just might help you, lord knows nothing else is.
Honey. Sweetheart. You do need to listen to these people here. They are getting angry because they are trying to help you - and they see you continue to spiral downward.
I agree - you are emotionally worse now than you were before. We know why:
1) Your H is hanging around with OW. This can drive anyone crazy. 2) You just had a new beautiful little girl. Your hormones are still going crazy and this may not get better soon (post partum depression). Depression is a horrible monster if you cannot get it under control. 3) You are young and have grown up in the age of instant gratification - everything we always want is available at our finger tips. 4) There is some childhood baggage that perhaps you haven't dealt with.
So listen to what these people have to say - they care - they love you - they want to help you. Sometimes love has to be tough love. I for one don't want to see you fall flat on your face in order to realize what it is you need to do. But I think many on this BB would like you to do that - because then you can pick up the pieces and do what your smart brain already knows.
Ever see the Wizard of Oz? You have had what it takes right from the start to get yourself out of Oz and back to Emily. You have had it all along. But you have to cut through the list above and be sure you don't allow that to get in your way.
A little story to help you understand.... My W growing up always had to have a boyfriend or a man in her life - because her parents D when she was 9. She started having sex early and was never without a boyfriend because her Dad didn't pay her enough attention - he gave the attention to her brother. She was never really completely happy with herself - content with who she was. Look at us now. 13 1/2 years of M, 4 children later and I am just about staring a D in the face. Why? Because my W was not happy with herself (BTW - I know my contributions to our problems). She felt she had lived her life to others expectations and felt like she always had to need someone to be happy - when she was never really happy with herself.
Don't make this same mistake! Do you want to get married again and find this out later in life? Do you want another D? It is normal to want someone to love you and to feel touch. We are all suffering in that regards and don't think that I haven't thought about throwing in the towel and going out to find someone. But I didn't succumb to the temptation. Don't feel bad for thinking this way. One of the biggest fears in life for people is fear of rejection. We are not fearing rejection - we are all flat out being rejected, totally completely 100%! But don't let this thinking get the best of you. If you really need some "gratification", there are "battery powered ways" for you to make this happen (okay I feel creepy for giving this advice...).
You know what I do? I don't look at what I don't have (namely my W). I look at what I have - what I have been blessed with. Have you done this? If not, do it every night and every morning. This is what I see you are blessed with:
1. You are alive. 2. You are young. 3. You have two beautiful angels. 4. You have people in your life that care about you. 5. You are learning things right now what others your age will not learn until later if ever!
I am sure there are many more.
If you want to focus on what you don't have - then focus on the things that you don't have THAT YOU CAN CHANGE. If you don't have self-esteem - go out and find it! If you don't have a drivers license - make it happen.
I have taken the time to create a priority list for you. I only included the top 5 things you should be focusing on doing and if you disagree, it won't hurt my feelings.
1. EMILY 2. EMILY 3. EMILY 4. EMILY 5. EMILY
Take this time to learn about EMILY. Take this time to rebuild/repair EMILY. Get some professional counseling. Be aware of the chance of post-partum depression setting in. Don't talk about it. Go out and do it. Get away from the keyboard and make it happen.
Do you still feel the need to go out and find someone to be with? Do you really want to go out and find that person you want to be with? I will tell you exactly where to find this person. Go to a bathroom and look in the mirror! It is yourself! This is who you need to be with right now - only yourself. You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life. This is your number one priority. If you are happy/healthy then you will be your best - and those two little angels need your best right now.
When some one is falling and failing . . . fumbling blindly. . . are you suppose to spit at them? NO
Noone is supposed to spit on anyone. I think your honesty has made people here angry and when you think out loud it apparently makes others angry. I see that people want to push you along but we are supposed to detach let go and let GOD. But b/c you are young wea re tryingt o help you avoid making more mistakes. Noone here has a rightt o judgey ou but I think they are so close to yours itch it p*sses them off. When I was lost in my own misery, many times my 10 years younger BTW brother pretty much slapped me in the face too. It F*CKING hurt but it woke me up. Also a close dear friend of mine looked at me and asked me "what happened to you ?" Those four words hurt more than if she would have walked up to me and slapped me in the face. But again they woke me up. I a not condoning their words just remember to work on you. POR FAVOR (PLEASE) Have your space Em, just remember that you need to focus on you and changing you. BE who you can be start today, you can do it. The few days when you decided to live go to Target etc. etc is the Emily WE all want to see. Yeah it f*cking sucks everything he put you thru now leave his sorry a** in the dust and be beautiful you need to.
Everyone sees how young you are and know how much potential you have so they are real heated right now. Do not change for your girls , for us, for anyone but you. LIKE I HAVE TOLD YOU B4 WHEN YOU DO YOU'LL SOAR AND EVERTHING ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING WILL FALL INTO PLACE. IT TOOK ME 35 YEARS TO GET TO ME TO SEE HOW BEAUTIFUL I AM. DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT WAIT THAT LONG. LIFE IS TO D*MN SHORT BABY IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE YOUR GIRLS WILL BE TEENAGERS. IT IS A BEAUTIFUL WORLD OUT THERE WITH SO MUCH TO OFFER. TAKE IT PLEASE,,, LET GO OF THE OLD START NEW. YOU CAN DO IT. IT LIKE WHEN I YELL AT MY 14 YEAR OLD SON FOR THINGS... THEY ARE TRYING LIKE HELL TO SHAKE YOU UP READ BETWEEN THE LINES AND ANGER AND TAKE WHAT YOU NEED. We are here for you baby now be there for yourself when that day comes HONEY,, you will see how good it feels to be a WOMAN. Do it honey , you know you can, put all your energy in you.
Love ya, ALI BTW I STILL HAVE MY STILETTOS SO IF I HAVE TO COME OVER THERE...
emily: you have helped us figure out your problem, i think atleast one of them. as gh said, you love drama. have you always looked at the negitive things your h has done, yep it appears that way. how many times have you belittled him, many i bet. when you first came here it was h wants to work out our marriage, but i can not forgive his affair. you keep throwing that up in his face. i really think your husband wants to try with you, but you wont allow it. you dont listen to anyone, here there or anywhere. until you do you will suffer greatly. your husband knows what he is doing is wrong, because you keep telling him. you are being the crazy women, going off on him every chance you get, why would he come around you, i wouldnt, no one would. why am i even wasting my time, because i feel once you change yourself, your husband will notice, and your marriage will survive, but only if you change. no more fights, no more drama, no more belittleing you h. become a good person and then only then your sitch will change, but you know that and refuse. why either you are very stupid, or your just playing a game with us and we all fell for it. are you 22 or are you really 13??????????????????????????????????????
(PLEASE)