What the hell is wrong with you? Have you NO motherly instinct? You "can't go without" having sex...and you are "not talking about a relationship"...What the hell are you saying?....you just want some joe blow to breeze through and then be gone? WHAM, BAM, THANK YOU MA'AM??
Are you out of your friggin tree?
YOU ARE A MOTHER! YOU ARE A MOMMY!
Good Lord, I get angrier with you the more I type. I can't even put a sentence together that would effectively rip your face off.
You are a child playing house, Emily. Your Ken doll got broken and you can't wait to hit the sheets with someone new!
You would shudder to think how long some of us have gone without....
GET A BATTERY OPERATED BOYFRIEND IF YOU'RE THAT BAD OFF!
Stop concerning yourself with matters of the flesh and get busy working on your spirit!
I am OUT OF HERE until I see you making more than a half-assed effort to change.
ok, get a grip. my husband of 20 years is leaving me and i am not spinning out of control like this. you can control your actions such as dialing the phone or emailing him etc. do it for yourself and to give your marriage a chance! meanwhile, focus your energy (and i can tell you have a lot) on something positive. take your kids to the park and play with them or read them a book. clean your house, or reshingle the roof. distract yourself, you can do it. let me also share with you a trick that seems to take the edge off for me a little right now. spend your first few waking moments in the morning thinking about your spouse and not in a nice way. think of all the things that are unattractive about him. physically and otherwise. personality quirks that get on your nerves or that others don't like about him. come on, nobody is perfect i am sure you can name a dozen off the top of your head. when we are in situations like this we tend to put our spouse on a pedestal and idolize them because we've been rejected. put that in reverse a bit and convince yourself that you are better than him. just for a few minutes. it helps regain your sense of reality. try it. but don't call him and tell him!!!
Yeah alright.
I'm [censored] up I get it.
It's all my fault everything went to [censored].
I'm a bad mother because I'm ready to move on.
I'm [censored] because . . . well because I am what I am.
Thanks all . . I'm out.
NO .. .
ya know what?
I'm so sorry that at 18 I got pregnant . . for my H.
I'm SORRY that I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN FOR MY GIRLS.
Forgive the hell outta me for using EVERYTHING I have. Which isn't much.
FORGIVE me for the fact that at 21 (well 22)
MY H GETS TO START OVER . . . and I'm left with the baggage.
I wouldn't give them away for the world.
BUT I don't get to walk away like he does and start over.
If I was single it would BE FINE for me to think about having a boyfriend.
BUT HELL NO . .
I have to stay alone because my H is choosing to run off with a WHORE.
When you're all done rolling around in self pity, you know where we are.
I want you to do one thing tonight, though. When your babies are asleep. Look at their little faces and whisper to them that their lives will never be any better than Mommy's because Mommy isn't willing to pull herself up by the bootstraps and make the necessary changes so they don't have to suffer through the same dysfunction.
Then go on to sleep.
You can wake up in the morning and continue this destructive pattern you're on.
Going along with DBing rules... if something isn't working - change it. We need to do a 180 on how we're communicating to Emily, because this ain't working.
We cannot compare ourselves to her because she is sooo much younger than us. Do you guys remember how you were at 22? I do. Although I thought I was a ready-made woman - I still thought that 30-year-olds were old. I was an adult then. 2, 3, 5, 8 years was still a REALLY long time!
Emily. Breathe. Could you maybe keep off this board for a few hours. Go do something with the girls. You need to stop the spiral.
Why does everything have to be now? Do you really have to think about this (... being single for the rest of your life, not having sex for 6 months) all RIGHT Now? Do you need the answers right now? Can it wait till next week?
Could it wait just a few days? Figure it out later. One week isn't the end of the world, right?
Do you think you could push those thoughts aside just for a little while. Try it. Everytime you feel them popping up. Say to yourself. Not Now. I won't think of this right now. I can deal with it next week. And then distract yourself.
If you get caught up in all of these negative thoughts, that swirling hole beneath you (and I know that hole) is just going to get so much bigger.
You don't have to think about not having sex right now. Can you survive not having sex for another week? Yes, right? So don't think about it till next week.
Can you survive not talking to H until next week? Then don't think about it till next week.
Can you point your brain at positive things for just one little week? Just stop thinking about being a single mom at 22 for a few days. Then do it.
Next week you'll think about alll this stuff, OK? In the meantime, do everything you can to stop yourself from thinking about it... go to the park, distract yourself. Watch movies, read fiction books. Distract yourself so you don't think about it.
Then we'll talk again next week. Is that OK?
May it be eternal while it lasts.
My sitch
Me: 36
H:34
M: 5 years
Bomb: 03/14/06
Everyone finally has seen through your lies. You don't care about your kids. You were ready to use them as a weapon against your H last week, then said you were going to protect them from him because he was an abuser who would hurt them, then you were upset because he wasn't coming to visit them this weekend (when you really only cared about him coming to visit you). Now you want to bring a new man into their lives and you're talking about finding a man to have sex?!!! Do you really want to set that kind of example for them? Do you want two girls to grow up as screwed up as you are?
The reason you have a screwed-up life, Emily, is because you are one of THE most selfish people I have ever encountered in my life. You theoretically have been coming here for help, but all you really want is for people to feel sorry for you, because that's all you have. Your selfishness has ruined all the relationships in your life and you came here hoping that you could con everyone into feeling sorry for you.
You're a preacher kid, but you never figured out that Christ is about love. You don't love your kids, you don't love your H, and you don't really love yourself. I do feel sorry for you, Emily, just not in the way that you want.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
OK I have an honest question . . it's probably all wrong for this site but hell . . . why not.
When do I get to move on in my "love life". I understand that before I get into another R I have to work on myself so that I do not repeat this cycle. But does that mean in 5 or 6 months when the D is final I can't start dating again.(I cannot go that long . . AYE ) I mean by then my H will probably be remarried . . .
I know that's thinking in the future . . I am just fielding for opinions here. I want to start making a plan for myself . . and I don't want to be "taken advantage" of again . .as a rebound thing.
I can not even believe that you would be able to think about your needs in such a manner. We all have needs that need to be met and let me tell some of us have gone a long time with out any physical contact. Sure I'm young too and could have my fair share of guys, but I know that it is within God's will for my marriage to be restored. Each of us know that if we truly want our marriage to work we must be faithful even if our spouses are not. Do you get that you are no where near even being ready to be with someone else?
Like Amy said get a frickon toy. Never thought I would resort to that, but what the heck! I've been to quite a few sex toy parts since my husband has left. Guess what? It's really not that bad
I can only imagine how sick and tired your friends and family must be and especially your husband with how you flip flop so much. Either you want your marriage or you don't. It's not about what Kevin wants or what your family desires for you, but what Emily wants!!!!
Quote:
Yeah alright. I'm [censored] up I get it. It's all my fault everything went to [censored]. I'm a bad mother because I'm ready to move on. I'm [censored] because . . . well because I am what I am.
Thanks all . . I'm out.
NO .. . ya know what? I'm so sorry that at 18 I got pregnant . . for my H. I'm SORRY that I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN FOR MY GIRLS. Forgive the hell outta me for using EVERYTHING I have. Which isn't much. FORGIVE me for the fact that at 21 (well 22) MY H GETS TO START OVER . . . and I'm left with the baggage. I wouldn't give them away for the world. BUT I don't get to walk away like he does and start over. If I was single it would BE FINE for me to think about having a boyfriend. BUT HELL NO . . I have to stay alone because my H is choosing to run off with a WHORE.
FORGIVE THE HELL OUTTA ME
Another thing last time I checked it takes two to make a baby so don't go putting all this crap on Kevin. If you had your baby just to make Kevin happy then that's all the evidence we need in you showing us how little you value yourself. Quit blaming everyone else and take a good look in the mirror. You can only control yourself. Doing the best for your girls would be getting your crap together. Guess what? Your not there!! Let us know when your done with the boo-hooing. Don't worry about your husband he will have to deal with his actions one day. But, as for you, you know better, but you would rather stay at the bottom. So keep feeling sorry for yourself, and let us know how it works out for you.
Quote: Another thing last time I checked it takes two to make a baby so don't go putting all this crap on Kevin. If you had your baby just to make Kevin happy then that's all the evidence we need in you showing us how little you value yourself.
She didn't have the girls for Kevin. She had them because she wanted someone to love her, and she thought that they would.
The fact that Emily is now looking for casual sex while in the next breath sad that her husband isn't coming home this weekend isn't the first time she's shown her own signs of infidelity.
Back when I did the comprehensive review of her sitch, I almost mentioned this from a few months ago (and I wish now that I had):
Quote: My parents and my ex-boyfriend think I should give him a few days maybe until Wednesday and then go file for D and child support
Why do you think Emily was discussing the in-depth details of her sitch with her ex-boyfriend? I'll tell you why -- it's because she wanted to feel loved by anyone. She'd have jumped into bed with that ex in a second, if he would have taken her. Also, why do you think she has spent so much time on MySpace ... it's not just to keep tabs on Kevin and Cassie, I can tell you. It's to flirt with other men. Emily may or may not have been physically unfaithful to Kevin (she lies and hides so much stuff that she almost certainly wouldn't have told us if she did), but she has clearly been unfaithful in her heart. She paints Kevin as a WAS, but she was never in the marriage to begin with. I still get a kick about her statement from months ago with respect to Kevin:
Quote: His family is nothing but liars and crazy people, I was his shot at a normal healthy life.
ROTFL!
I was going to write about how sad it was that so many of us have wasted so much time trying to help Emily, but then I realized that it was actually very beneficial to me to follow her sitch. I saw shadows of a few of my behaviors in Emily, and that's made me more determined to change them. So thanks, Emily, for being a bad example.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
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