Emily, will you just read what we are saying and realize that you are living 100% in someone else's world? You are 100% living for other people. You pay lip service to these things you want but then they are SO easily disrupted by not only your H, but friends, family not to mention OW.
Live your own damn life. Sorry to say, but you are nowhere CLOSE to limbo. You do not have a R with your H. You have to accept that and move on, not to divorce or even accepting that it's over, just ON to something else (read:NOT ANOTHER MAN) for YOU. You are also nowhere close to living for you, without these daily flip-flops by him affecting you to your core. I think that's why Amy is saying you need more strength before attempting some of the more difficult DBish things.
Emily, trust me, we will KNOW when you finally make the decision not to live like this, as a pawn in his life. We will know because you will stop SAYING you are doing it 35 times a post and actually start DOING it. Your posts will be about HOW you are doing it, not about wanting to do it, or having decided to do so.
I am not coming down on you. Time will work it's magic on you, but in the meantime, I wish you would just stop going in circles or at the very least, recognize HIS cycle for what it is and decide to remove that cycle from your life.
It's great to talk about all this, and this is the place to do it, but at some point, you have to start doing things.
