Well she printed out the D papers in the first place and pushed him to file them. He never did . . kept making excuses. Now that he is "with me" and wants to be back with her . . I think she said that if he files then she will be with him. I mean just yesterday morning . . he was all ILY and you mean more to me then she ever could. Now he hates me and wants to be with her.
I guess I just don't understand how to live in this limbo. One way or another (just off the fence) and I can figure out what to do with myself. But this hell of limbo makes me crazy. I feel like I can't breathe let alone make forward motion.
I'll give myself a few days to cool off . . or try to. I won't answer the phone . . that'll be hard. Like I said earlier when my phone died the answering machine still worked and he called twice and left messages. By the second one he sounded pretty worried. . . I don't even think he knows what he is doing. I don't like feeling like I am shoving him into her arms . . . but I guess that's what needs to happen. No more answering the phone. That's what I want to do right now. . . I just want sometime to think. I wish I could make a decision that would bring him back now. . . but that's all on him. He says he feels like he rushed back into it too quick and so he is filing for the D this next week and he wants to be "alone" if he wants to be "alone" I don't understand why he is calling and talking to her for hours on end. I guess I don't have to.
He won't be calling me tonight he gave me some bull$hit story about maybe not having service where he is going . . which is what he always said when he was talking to her that night instead of me. I know this game . . and I don't want to play it anymore.
