I do agree with T2SP, GH, and AmyC. You are smart enough to figure these answers out. One thing many of us cautioned you on was when your H wanted to come back was to take it slow. You said he ended it with OW. Now look what has happened? It really shows how we - the LBS - want our S to come back so bad so we can work on the M. But what we realize is that sometimes they are not ready for us. Sometimes we are not ready for them. That is why this time is so crucial to put your focus on how Emily can be happy.
You have given your H so much power over your feelings. You must detach from this. You must let go of him. He is not ready for you and based on your emotional ups/downs - you are not ready for him either. You must be able to deal with him as a happy Emily that doesn't place all her happiness on whether her H is with her or not.
You are smart, beautiful, wonderful angel. Pick yourself up, dust your knees off, and start marching - rather running towards the Emily you want to be. Do some work on yourself - for yourself. Deny outside influences power over you - just work on you.
A little something on a bookmark I have....
Let Go and Let God
As children bring their broken toys, with rears for us to mend, I brought my broken dreams to God, because He is my friend. But then instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone, I hung around and tried to help, with ways that were my own. At last, I snatched them back again and cried, "How can You be so slow?" "My child", He said, "what could I do? You never did let go."
Let go angel - and grab onto what you need to do for you!
