Don't make your choices contingent on him and his. This is what we're trying to get through to you. Make your choices for yourself. Right now, it seems your choice is to remain open to reconciliation. You've made your choice, now move on. You can't control his choices. Let go of that and move on to you. Focus on making your life something you are proud of.
Quote: When he's here . . . we can move on.
True - thinking about it now does you no good.
Quote: But this limbo where he doesn't know what he wants!!! IT HURTS
You are actively hurting yourself with this - stop it, take a break. Your H's decision seems to you to be the only thing that will rescue you from the pain. It's not and it won't. You need to make the choice to no longer live in this pain. Regardless of the choices your H makes.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
He already has called her and talked for quite awhile I guess. . . Trying to get back with her. He told her he misses her and such.
He is trying to leave me for her again only right now she doesn't want him.
I don't want to make the decision to end my M. Which is what I feel I have to do if I want a clear head and a good life. I don't want to be the one who opts out. I don't want out at all. But he is soo confused and he obviously doesn't love me . . . clearly!
I just wanted to be good enough . . . I know that my self worth comes from myself but it's always a pleasure to know that someone else thinks you're great too.
I feel sooo low. . . I was getting up ON MY OWN . . and he freakin kicked me down again. Well OK . . . . so I more a less ran right into his waiting foot . . but still. He couldn't have just stayed gone . . oh no . . . I would have been fine. Now it's going to take me time to get there again.
Quote: I don't want to make the decision to end my M.
Then don't.
Quote: I know that my self worth comes from myself but it's always a pleasure to know that someone else thinks you're great too.
Then show everyone how great you are.
Quote: I was getting up ON MY OWN . . and he freakin kicked me down again.
You seem to really enjoy being down. Maybe you should spend some time figuring out why, and whether you want this to continue, instead of worrying about your messed up H's bad decisions and all the drama they yield.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
Quote: I don't want to make the decision to end my M. Which is what I feel I have to do if I want a clear head and a good life. I don't want to be the one who opts out. I don't want out at all. But he is soo confused and he obviously doesn't love me . . . clearly!
Is there some reason the marriage has to come to a complete end right now? You have made it this far, hang in there. I am going on 17 months with my H gone and he has not made any move toward divorce. I don't want one and I will not take the first step. As hard as it is, just move forward with your life. You don't have to go out and party or anything, just pretend like your H is on an extended vacation or away from the house for work reasons. It doesn't make the pain go away any easier, it just helps you continue on. If he wants the divorce, let him be the one to take care of it. You will find more than likely he is just trying to get you in an uproar again.
Don't listen to him when he starts talking about her. Tell him that you don't care to discuss his problems. Sometimes the least amount you know, the better off you are.
Quote: I just wanted to be good enough . . .
You are good enough. Actually, you are too good for him. He isn't a man right now. He is just a shell of the former man you married. He left you when you were pregnant. To me that is no man. Let him have his space and grow up. You already have 2 great daughters to raise, you don't need an over aged son to raise too.
Quote: I was getting up ON MY OWN . . and he freakin kicked me down again.
Don't let him kick you down. Be strong. Put on that suit of armor that all us women have. It will aggrevate him more if he can't break you down.
Quote: He couldn't have just stayed gone . . oh no . . . I would have been fine. Now it's going to take me time to get there again.
You can get there again. Just keep telling yourself that no matter what, you have won. You have your daughters and what does he have? He has one mixed up mind and is alone. You are the ones who get to put those precious girls to bed at night. You are the one they wake up to. Even though they are young they will remember everything YOU have done for them. They will remember he wasn't around for them.
Now, you stand up, take a deep breath and begin the first day of the rest of your life as a strong person. Don't let your H win the battle. Kick that little devil of negativity off your shoulder and think positive about things. They don't call me trying2staypositive for any other reason except I try to look at all the positives in my situation. I throw the negatives away. I throw it out with the trash and let those nice gentlemen take it away each week with the rest of the garbage.
You will have up days and down days as we all do. Don't let the down days take over. I'm rooting for you!!!!!
I called and left him a voicemail. . . it was hard but I did it without so much as a shake in my voice.
I am shaking . . . It's over . . . Now my journey into Emily begins again I suppose. Oh my.
I really wanted things to work BUT when he's with me he wants her and when he's with her he wants me. She doesn't want him . . so I don't want him "settling" on me. We'll probably file the D papers this next week. Unless my message strikes a cord somewhere and he relizes what he's losing.
I am sick of Cassie and her friends . . they keep "attacking me" left me a message saying
Quote: I want to know how cassie already has a man when i have been with her since manday night ! You and kevin better get your story right. Yeah she has moved on and she is a lot HAPPIER with out KEVIN in her life she glad he went back to your fat ass that looks like a man!! What high school [censored] are you talking about! You should get off of your FAT ass and get a JOB and start looking like a WOMAN!!!!
Because I am different? Because I choose to be MYSELF . . because I choose to stand out and have short hair (which I think is attractive on me) . . Why do people fear different? I don't understand.
Emily, Positive is right. I am looking at my sitch as a 2 year break from marriage to fulfill my dreams. I really do not think you have to do anything but put protections in place right now. Let H make all the next moves. I really think that he is moving away from you because you are too good for him. They seem to know this sometimes. Holly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
