I didn't even have to chime in to burn through a whole page full!
I am making a list of things that I WILL do BEFORE I die. I am going to make myself do EVERY last one. Most of them are silly (I.E. Own a "Crotch Rocket" (have a license to ride it OBVIOUSLY) . . . Breed and sell SOME breed of reptile (I've ALWAYS wanted to do this) Own at least two more APBT's . . . have some puppies.) They are silly little goals . . but they mean that I have to get to a stable place in my life where I can afford to venture into any of these things. I'm not thinking about my R right now . . . I don't want to. I will be friends with Kev and I will tell him that I will lovingly openly take him back. I mean it too. I'm not sure about this weekend. Maybe I'll hole up in my room and let him alone with the girls for awhile. I don't know. I want to let him stop. I want to see him face to face for a minute. (I colored my hair . . . and I know he LOVES that. . I want him to see what he is missing out on.) Either way. . . I don't have to figure that all out right now. I have time. I need to think some more. . . I need to put myself in order. . . and get my emotions under control first. . . I've spent today in a TOTAL fog and internal battle. I'm in no shape to make objective decisions . . I am trying to get back to that place. Most of all I need to have a few more heart to hearts with God and see what happens.
Quote: Most of all I need to have a few more heart to hearts with God and see what happens.
Awesome Em,, If I could, I would give you a great big hug. I am so proud of you. You are doing awesome. Love ya and you are still in my prayers. Ali and kids God bless you and your spirit........
Amy . . don't leave just yet. There aren't too many hands in the pot! I need your advice . . you're sooo grounded! I still need a good shaking every now and again.
Let's talk about my sitch with my H for a minute . .
He has pretty much jumped back in with BOTH feet . . . could it work . . just maybe?
He's going to leave me the car when he comes through this weekend. He wants to take me out to NICE dinner . . . not fast food . . . He called this morning and said that Cassie called his phone and said something about, "Thank you for opening my eyes so that I could see there's other men out there." Then some guy called his phone and said something about being her new man and if he had a problem with that he could "holla" . . . HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA . . . WOW. My H was laughing his butt off. Yeah she REALLY loved him didn't she???
OK . . Anyway . . . I've been doing A LOT of praying . . . . I don't feel any closer to an answer but I do feel at peace. If he walked away again it would hurt but I could come to terms with it A LOT faster. I am planning out my life with or without him. This is the best thing that has EVER happened to me . . it's made me face myself. You all are the best thing that I could have ever found. . .
I don't know exactly what to do . . I am trying to choose wisely . . I hope I make the right choices!
I would suggest you spend time with you H without strings attached. I think you both need time without pressure to decide what you want out of yourselves and your lives. I think you can have a great time together without deciding to be together or not, and give it time to see for yourself if his intentions are genuine.
My $.02
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
I think you are at one of those places I have been talking about the past couple days. You need to make a choice, one that there is no clear right or wrong in. I think there are people here (maybe myself included but I'm not here for that) that believe that you are going back into this WAY too soon and WAY too trusting. Then there are people like Muddle who probably understand that through it all, you still love your H and maybe he loves you too. Maybe this thing "fixed" you both so that you both now know what to do OR not do in the future.
Emily, we have heard a LOT from you, which is good, but the bad news is that we all remember the bad things you said about H. We remember that you said he has an anger problem and was abusive. We remember you said you were afraid for the safety of your girls. Unfortunately, we may remember that stuff more than we remember that you say you love your H, and that he loves you too.
It's time to make your decision Emily, carefully, with all you now know supporting that decision. YOU have to live with the results, not us or your parents or friends.
Just to make myself a little more clear here: I don't think you should just jump right back into the R with H. I do think that you can walk the line, that there is some time and room for you to feel things out. You know yourself better now than you did some time ago, and you know your H better. You can take the time you need to determine what you would need from both yourself and from your H in order to make the M something you would like to re-commit to. Considering your H's job, I think you have plenty of time to think about what you want.
I think people can change. I don't know that your H has - only you can tell. You need to decide for yourself what you want out of marriage, and whether you and your husband can accomplish this together at this point in time. If he's the right one for you, what will it take to get where you want to go? This is ALL about you and what you want out of life. Don't settle for existance, LIVE.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
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