However, you know I think your W is highly sexually receptive, just repressed. You know when you behave appropriately, so does she. A womans HD/LD is not in absence to her perception of her H. Its because of it.
I want to believe this SOOO badly. That if I can just start acting the right way for a long enough period of time, then her inner sex kitten will just come out naturally without any direct prodding on my part. That would be the ideal situation anyway, CeMar would agree. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I understand why this is not a BELIEF inside of you yet. There is no 'acting' that will have success here. Radical honesty, and congruence are not 'acting'. They are being. The more they permeate every facet of your life, the better you will feel. Directness is a matter of perspective also. NOP was extremely direct. People do not respond well when they sense hidden agendas. A woman does not become a sexual kitten in the absence of a man with strong sexual presence. Now as to it feeling like prodding to her, or what your interpretation of direct prodding is, thats about you and your approach. A cattle prod approach can work, but its not my favorite choice. There is a lot of ...initiating and instigating..(like that better then prod) on my part.
Here is an analogy... a brand new shepherd has a lot of sheep. They dont know him. He has to work hard to keep them together and employ direct methods (dogs, his crook) to get them moving and keep them together. Then you have a shepherd that has been with his flock day and night for 10 years. They all know him, and all he has to do is sing out and start walking. He is still 'prodding', but it appears effortless. He has their trust, respect. If something happens... say a lightning storm, or wolves.. then he has to use the dog and crook again. wow I just got a 'feeling' of where I messed up. cool. I had been struggling with a comment GEL made about fighting for your woman... got it.. I have a serious problem with that concept...
I want to believe that my W does have a high level of sexuality and desire that is buried. I have seen glimpses of it.
If a man is unwilling to make steps to change his Wifes perception of him, he will have NO STATUS QUO CHANGE. If a woman wants to have a succesful M, it is her job to control her perspective.
These seem like potentially conflicting statements. Care to elaborate? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ahhh. yeah... I could see how you might interprete that Each statment was directed towards gender as a point that we are only in control of ourself, or able to change ourself to affect some change in the R.
The R is not all on the man. F's natural inclination is to scope out our insecurities. If they fixate or are unaware how to assist him when this happens, they are failing at their half of the M equation. For a man, if this is occuring, letting her know that this is not acceptable, would be radically honest. For a woman, every man has 1 or 2, and the likely hood of them going away slim and real slim. She can focus on what hes not and wear herself out trying, or she can try, while appreciating what he is.
So how are your efforts toward being trustable and radically honest going? I think thats a lot more important then your sexual presence right now.
