It's interesting...what you said about "if your H were to have an affair you might not want to know about it....that you would just want to know it had ended etc."
I thought along those lines too....prior to finding out about my H's own deceptions in our M. On another BB I participate on that's line of thinking is not so uncommon among betrayed spouses...prior to finding out their spouse has cheated on them. It's almost amazing how quickly that thought vanishes when the betrayed spouse finds out they have in fact been betrayed....once you thought you would only want to know it had ended, then you find out....you want to know ALL the details. I'm not saying all betrayed spouses will want to know absolutely everything, but often there is almost an obsession about having questions answered when you find out someone you love and trust has betrayed you. Also...just a healing note here for Chrome...be open to answering your W's questions when she asks them (and she very likely will)...having the spouse who cheated...answer the betrayed spouse's questions is what enables them to heal their marriage and move forward, rebuild trust....the betrayed spouse will likely go on a quest for answers. The person who cheated...needs to provide answers as best he/she can.
Not preaching at anyone about this....just addressing your comment, that was once a thought I had as well.
