Quote: I have been lurking and reading this board for awhile, and I just wanted to say that you have a lot of people supporting your efforts right now. I know that I got a lot out of the self-esteem stuff you were posting also.
Just like I said to IHJ, it means A LOT to me to have people pulling for me. As a scientist and a skeptic, I don't really believe in all the psychic stuff. But it is kinda funny how you just KNOW when friends are thinking positive thoughts about you and wishing you well. I am glad you got something out of the self-esteem thread. My own self-esteem has taken a major pitfall. But I pulled myself out of it once, I can do it again.
Quote: I too have struggled with self-esteem issues and depression, as well as seeking my happiness through what someone else thought of me.
It is such a powerful drug, getting that positive attention from someone. Like Lou said, I do seek attention in an unhealthy way. I'm not sure if I want to be the center of attention in a group, but one on one I do crave positive attention way too much. I never have really taken that soul-searching journey to find my own core of happiness apart from anyone else. Maybe it is time, but how does one truly go about it?
Quote: I did not cross that line but I did put a toe over it. Isn't it a terrible struggle that the thing that can make you feel so loved and alive is also the thing that can make you hate yourself?
You hit the nail on the head with that statement. I put the toe over, felt the thrill followed by the self-hate, and pulled back. But the self-hate wasn't enough to keep me from putting that toe back over, followed by the whole foot and then a leg. All the while I kept rationalizing that I wasn't getting what I needed in my M, even telling myself I never would, not realizing what a self-fulfilling prophecy that is. Fog is an appropriate word.
Quote: I came to the point that I had to choose to live by MY standards. My standards dictated that I not seek that kind of validation from anyone other than myself. Ultimately, it meant the end of my marriage but I must point out that my XH was abusive and alcoholic. REALLY easy to justify seeking comfort elsewhere in that situation.
I am certainly happy that you were able to find your sense of self. I hope you are doing well in your current situation.
Quote: You have waaaay more to work with, and waaaaay more worth saving than I did.
I agree, but ...
You are right that my situation does not have the obvious problems of alchoholism, physical abuse, verbal abuse, etc. The problem is more insidious especially for someone like me who thinks way too much about things. The fact of the matter is I don't know if I will ever be able to find happiness in my marriage, if my W will ever be able to meet the needs that I have. But it has nothing to do with her being a bad person, she just isn't the touchy-feely, romantic, sweet-talking, sex kitten that I want (boy am I selfish, eh?). So the question is (and this seems to be probably the most common situation of people on this board), which do I give up, my need for romanticism, or the happy home (kids, good job, family support, etc.)? Maybe she can change, but she has to want to for some reason. How long do I wait? What can I do? The answers to most of these questions are that I just need to be the best person I can be. But still there is that nagging doubt. One day at a time, that is all I can do.
Quote: I'm sure you go into something like that thinking that you must be prepared to give up all the friendship and support that you had here.
Well, I'm sure I did lose some of it, but that is to be expected.
Quote: The mistakes we ALL make are just that...mistakes. They are not WHO we are. They are just things we did wrong (sometimes for what seems like all the right reasons). Your validation and self esteem will come from realizing what your values are and holding your head high when you are living by them.
Good words, good words. I will try to live by them.
Thanks so much Bear. I hope you decide to stay on board here.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
