Fighting the Hard Fight

[Bear]

Hi Chrome,
I have been lurking and reading this board for awhile, and I just wanted to say that you have a lot of people supporting your efforts right now. I know that I got a lot out of the self-esteem stuff you were posting also.

I too have struggled with self-esteem issues and depression, as well as seeking my happiness through what someone else thought of me. At first it was my H (exH now) and then when that wasn't happening, it opened the door to wanting it from someone outside my marriage. I did not cross that line but I did put a toe over it. Isn't it a terrible struggle that the thing that can make you feel so loved and alive is also the thing that can make you hate yourself?

I came to the point that I had to choose to live by MY standards. My standards dictated that I not seek that kind of validation from anyone other than myself. Ultimately, it meant the end of my marriage but I must point out that my XH was abusive and alcoholic. REALLY easy to justify seeking comfort elsewhere in that situation. You have waaaay more to work with, and waaaaay more worth saving than I did.

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to say that coming clean here must have been very scary. I'm sure you go into something like that thinking that you must be prepared to give up all the friendship and support that you had here. But Chrome, look around. Everyone is still here for you. The mistakes we ALL make are just that...mistakes. They are not WHO we are. They are just things we did wrong (sometimes for what seems like all the right reasons). Your validation and self esteem will come from realizing what your values are and holding your head high when you are living by them.

Best of luck to you!

Bear