First, thanks for all your comments Lou. It looks like you are going through a real soul searching period too. I wish you the best. Maybe when I get my head on straight I can help or at least talk about it with you. Sometimes nuggets of wisdom appear that way.
I am doing ok, but still fighting a war inside myself. I did see my C last week and he had some helpful comments. I have been struggling with how "unfair" my feelings are about the whole situation, and he responded by saying that fairness is rarely a factor when it comes to feelings. I have also been struggling about how to give up something that is so deeply entrenched in my heart. He said that something doesn't have to be bad for us to choose to give it up. And sometimes we have to give things up for a time so that we can focus on what we need to do now.
In my mind, I have been exploring the "entitlement" issue. As NOPkins says, A's are brought about by feelings of entitlement. So I am going through and cataloging what my feelings of entitlement are, and trying to reframe them in a way that they won't cause me to trip up again. And I have gotten myself in the mindset that at least for now, I am entitled to nothing.
I am going to go see the MC by myself for the first appt., so that maybe she can give me some pointers/tasks to help me further improve my mindset. Then once the nursing is done, we'll go together and hopefully begin finally connecting with each other, something that has been delayed by life and poor choices for far too long.
I don't know if I am "back" or not. But I will probably start posting more. I see there are a few newcomers, I wish you all well.
Cobra, if you want to start talking FOO, I am all ears. I don't know if there is something you asked me that I never answered, or maybe there is something I can read that we can talk about, whatever you want.
Peace,
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
