Seems like I missed alot on your thread. Have not read the confession but dont really need to either.I am gonna tell you I am not surprised by finding you were still in contact with OW. There have been many tell tale signs. As for what part LFL plays in this hey it is not a first time this has happened on this board nor will it be the last. Neither of you need to leave the board. You just need to not contact each other outside of the board. I have over stepped the boundrys of this board many times with explicit detailed talk I just have never taken it off the board and into a more personal realm. You two made that mistake nothing to hide from even be ashamed of it happens but to discountinue this now that you have realized that it is not helping either of you would be a good thing to do.
I agree with others that discountinuing contact with OW and other females that you are currently seeking adoration from is a good step if you really want to save your marriage. All the ego boosting they give you sexually and in your confidence is taking away from your self respect. You need to decide which is more important to you. Being able to look at your self in the mirror and like what you see And being able to look your wife in the eyes without feelings of shame Or the adoration and sexual attention of strangers. I just dont know what side of the fence I sit on with telling all to your wife. But I know the guilt of the lies may never allow you to really be open to her and unguarded so if you dont you may never be able to really give your marriage 100 percent with the big white elephant between you. But I have also read various articles that state that you should not tell your spouse for various different reasons if you truely want to save your marriage. I feel for you for having to make that call.
Chrome you have the support of the board still from what I see. Heck you are also not the first one to not own up to all the facts in the begining. There have been others some are still her and respected members of this board. What matters is you learn to put it all out there if you truely want help that will benifit you.
I will remain reading your post and responding to the best of my ability. And with every thing else you have said here only one statement you have made stuck in my crawl.
That you wont kill yourself because your children at least deserve child support from you. This is the least of many things your children deserve from you. They deserve a father that loves them and wants to see them grow and learn and help teach them and protect them from the big bads of life. Money is nothing compared to that. Your not a maryter sticking around to provide money for your kids oh poor you how unselfish of you blah blah. If this is all you have to offer them then I feel sorry for them not you. Now what you are hopefully is a father who is not perfect but loves his children very deeply and will never abandon them all and all who just used a poor choice of words. Which sounded like you are going to be a person not there for them except with the exception of a child support check that comes in the mail once a month not sent out of love but obligation.
I told you not long ago you needed to grab your balls and take matters into your own hands. I say that again. Running away from this board instead of facing up to the fact you were not 100 % truthful is not a step in that direction. Staying her facing the music letting people vent about your deception then move forward from it would be IMO.
Now on to me I am fine thank you much better then I have been in a long period of time. Cannot post much because I am not staying at my house often and have no computer connection at my daughters house. So the only chance I have to catch up is on the odd occassion I am here. I just came back from Ohio today had a good visit with my family and offers of any type of support I need. And alot of why dont you just come back home and start your life overs. I have not really decided where I want to settle but dont really think I want to leave NC. I love it here. And hope with time when all my H anger issues subside and he gets on with his life we can continue to raise our kids as a family as much as possible from two seperate houses.
Things are touchy with communications with my H. One minute he seems okay and in agreeance that we are not good together or for each other the next he acts like we should just have sex and everything will be fine. Then screaming about how everything is my fault. I am not fighting back. I just state I understand him feeling this or that and he can blame me thats fine it does not matter blah blah. But I myself feel much calmer these days then I have in years.
