Heading =false assumptions or things I have incomplete information, so can't comment.
I...was trying to protect OW. Let her protect herself.
I had no idea if anyone would be able to read this MB and piece together everything and figure out who we were I haven't figured out who she is.
(now of course I am sure most of which were my fault), What has your w done wrong behind your back?
Some of them even encouraged me to go ahead and make it a full-blown A, get it out of my system, and then I can move on. I don't think a person can get it out of their system and go back to the old M with the old things missing. Fix the M chrom or set conditions.
I am going to take the liberty of using the HD female posters here and assume they want to have an A with me. Is having an A going to make me be satisfied with a almost sexless M for 5 years down the road. No, It will get me wanting more and more.
Chrom, some people are feeling junkies and sex is a drug. We want to feel connected, want to be wanted, want to make the OP feel wanted. Having an A does not bring enough of a fix to last very long in my books, and on top of returning to lonelyville there are now the guilt-roaches you have to live with.
talked to several people IRL who had A's that were never discovered and everything is happy in their M True. Would it be OK if your W had an A and never told you??????
I don't want BB to have an A so the same rules apply to me.
Some people can avoid the guilt, I don't do guilt well. Can you steal and get to the point and feel that the victim deserved to lose an item because it was poorly protected???? I worked with a house full of those boys. No thanks. Petty thieves were scum, murders were honored. Maybe a little strong but that was a view of bad it can get. It was like that in France in the 1500's according to the History Channel.
When it became apparent a couple of weeks ago that I was in over my head, I started reaching out to people here Self-help is not good, professional help. I am self-help grade and consider your situation to be above my pay grade/skill level.
Some of the non-traditional students I went to college with, wanted to be counselors. About half were manipulators or nut cases them selves, that is why I said "good" counselors. Some meant well but lacked some skills and some were really highly skilled and cared about people.
assuming I have an M to MC after tonight Tonight????? It started long before tonight. Saying tonight is called minimizing the problem chrom, and that is self-help skill level talking.
You and your W are the ones to decide if you have a M, which BTW does not include any other women as good friends or confidants.
Chrom, a question for you and me too. If you are sure your M is over just for argument sake, why the pussy-footing around your W?
If you and I were opposite profs competing in a friendly manner for the same political job, couldn't' we campaign openly for what we wanted, how we wanted to change the dept? I am just guessing here, but why can't you do the same with your W? Just a model to consider.
One last question, were you getting snipped strictly so you did not have kid #4 or was it one of those things where getting snipped had secondary benefits of not getting the/a potential OW PG. Getting a V sure makes it more tempting to have sex with someone other than one's W. It's one less worry if or when some free Pu$$y cones around.
So if you want OW tell your W, the OW's H. That way everyone knows what is going on. No better work with this M before moving on. You bought what you have. Paid for it. Get your moneys worth before moving on or adding people.
I am a little liberal with the words here as I want to talk male to male the way I would have with a high-school friend.
I know I can't make you do anything and this post has little to do with me judging you in a morally superior way. I am coming from something like a Kohlberg's moral development stages POV.
I used to teach Sunday school but lost my taste for a lot of organized religions. I like the Kohlberg model because if followed you can be in many positions, social classes and I think come out ahead in more ways than in some other philosophies and not have to give up so much. It is a simple model to follow.
