Warning, not everything I post here is organized, but here it is.
Chrom
I just checked my e-mail. I see you want to talk to me. Well I have seen you were communicating with other SSM posters and they were not able to get you to do what it takes to get out of your trouble.
I have an understanding personality, but not the ability to help much, especially from what I can gather, you leaving out some necessary information.
Right now I can only post on this public forum because from what I believe, any private e-mailing might make matters worse for you or have me feeling like what I might say to you, would be wasted time and effort. I think making matters worse is the bigger issue and I am not going to go there. I suggest you not e-mail any one from here on out and keep any communications public.
You need to do some things and e-mailing me will not make that happen from what I understand about others, privately e-mailing you one-on-one.
I have had some rough and lonely times myself. I could tell you what I wished for but I know I would have changed my mind in a couple of days. If I would not have changed my mind, I am sure I would have been happy and sad, so sad, at the same time. Thinking constantly about what I wanted made matters worse.
Getting what you wish for w/o having the b@lls and self esteem necessary to keep what you wish for, just gets you back in a losing game. F'ing up other peoples lives along the way.
It's good I have to go over every situation mentally 50-150 times before I do things and I have to have happy answers for almost everyone before I act on somethings.
I suggest you dump the cold-play music and start talking to a live person that understands compulsive behaviors, (my opinion).
I don't know how to give working advice to compulsive people. but I know compulsive feelings. More than once, I check the forum every hour or two on a holiday when the compulsive behavior bug's got to me. Mostly because I want to jump BB's bones but want to honor her wishes about her not liking sex, and honor her other problems she has with sexual activities.
All of this sh!t we want but don't get comes out some other place. compulsivity is one of the ways.
No sex, have a ham sandwich, or look on the forum and hope some one else's advice helps me, or mow the grass again, or call a friend, or do more wasting time with something non-productive. That what I did on a few occasions.
Don't get the idea I am a mess most of the times. I am just saying if you feel something like I did a few times, go see someone and "PLEASE" spill all of the beans the first go-round other wise you are wasting your time and the person you see.
In one of your posts, you said you were not getting much understanding from your friends or contacts. No wonder. It is above their comfort and expertise level, above my skill level too, especially when you didn't come clean about the OW to some of the other people you were e-mailing.
All of the books I have read say all OW, good female friends have to go or there is no fix. Am I the expert? No, that is what all of the books say. I suspect the data backs that up. I like data chrom.
Sometimes I read another forum where most of the posters are left behind women. Their H had or has an OW. My point is no one makes any progress with an OW in the picture. Most of these women want their H back but are too angry right now. I see where some women say it took 1, 2, to 3 years of the H towing the line before they trusted him and their fear of potential betrayal to subside so they didn't feel like he was ready to bail.
BTW some women have or want an OM and are baring their souls, so it goes both ways. Several months ago, I think I talked one 40ish woman not have a fling with another student in his early 20's. At least that is what she posted at the end of me giving her my opinions for a couple of months.
She basically had a good H but she was feeling herself aging. She had the "One last fling" sort of playing in her mind she said she had no control over. and going from a SAHM to being with hot bodied college aged males flipped a switch, got her obsessing about her new boy toy. BTW, he didn't like her romantically, but did as a friend. Chrom, maybe some of your romantic interests in these OW are more about friendship on their part towards you.
Of course I might be missing clues in my life short of some woman saying "you want to ??? (something physical that includes touching)
This forum is a place to find support for self-help type issues. I think you are in a place where we can advise you but as you said, you didn't take it. Go see someone that will hold you accountable.
BB went to bed an hour ago. That is where I am heading. If you need something call a hot line, work out, stay away from the heart-break music, but always be 100% real.
