I know you and everyone else will probably find this incredibly stupid and maybe even think I was lying, but the main reason I withheld info about OW was not to pull the wool over anyone's eyes. I honestly (yes I am actually using that word) was trying to protect OW. I had no idea if anyone would be able to read this MB and piece together everything and figure out who we were. Granted, she wasn't the one at fault, I was, but I still didn't want anything bad to happen to her as a result of my stupidity. In fact, right now I am even worried that what I have said today might hurt her. I couldn't stand it if it did.
In addition, things did seem to be getting better overall with the W. There were some set-backs (now of course I am sure most of which were my fault), but I just kept telling myself if I can get my M to a certain level, the OW thing will eventually fade and things will be great.
I also had the misfortune (as it now seems) to have talked to several people IRL who had A's that were never discovered and everything is happy in their M. Some of them even encouraged me to go ahead and make it a full-blown A, get it out of my system, and then I can move on. I am glad I never took that advice, but the residual was that I felt like I could work it out on my own. When it became apparent a couple of weeks ago that I was in over my head, I started reaching out to people here. Unfortunately I didn't grab any of the lifelines I was thrown and ended up making even worse decisions.
I have been completely honest with my counselor about everything, and I will try to see him again soon. I think you are right about one thing Lou. I need to speak to an MC, assuming I have an M to MC after tonight. Maybe I should call one of the DB people here.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
