Chrom, get honest with a marriage counselor and probably see a psychiatrist and get some meds.
To me life and friends are like a checking account. Take out more than you actually, the bank hits you with a penalty. I said penalty, they don't throw anyone out. You overdrew from your immediate family. Pay them back by doing the things a reasonable marriage counselor tells you to do.
Maybe your W did not add her share to the marital checking account but you should have never told us the OW was out of the picture. If you had, I am certain you would have had more helpful advice. You cheated yourself by with holding that information. Sure you fooled us but you were fooling yourself more.
When I worked in the group home for delinquent boys, the ones that fessed up to all they did or didn't do, paid restitution, dumped their old ways, they made progress.
The guys that did a half-azz job continued along in and out of trouble, many times almost exactly like their 48 year old uncle or aunt that did not want to do the work to pay the piper.
Do what LFL did, be honest with everyone your counselor advises you to be honest with. Do the d@m work that it takes to get as much right with your immediate family as you can or otherwise this crap is likely to crop up in any next R you might have.
When I was going to college, I was in my 40's and there was one prof that had a new honey every year. He was just a user and was put on admin leave for 6 months because some of his honeys were older students.
You and I know incomplete or false information never leads to solving a physics problem. It's like being on the Oregon trail in a covered wagon and saying the river ahead is only 100 feet wide and letting out there is also a 100 foot drop down to the river and another 100 foot cliff to climb on the other side.
I know one OW was a colleague, not much different. You left out information that counted. Don't have any romantic feelings for people you work with. Sh!t happens too often unless you have tenure?
With holding info about the OW and all the drama is what you need to be concerned with, not people forgiving or not forgiving you.
