I've been lurking and following this forum for a while, and have de-lurked here to say WTF is going on, man? Was hoping you were away from the boards having the time of your life. Worried about you and wishing you well.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
Chrom. Lil once spoke of a fire within everyone. The fire has heat, light, and smoke. The heat and light might be something like what powers us and eventually leads to a feeling of satisfaction/accomplishment. There is also a path that heat and light needs to travel so you as an individual can thrive/continue to live. Block the path and there will be trouble. What is blocking the path to your heat, light, and smoke?
Somethings "we" do the blocking ourselves by way of perception, somethings other people do things that influence us, that leads to blocking (real or perception) the heat and light but the heat, light, and smoke are still there, non-the-less.
Lil told me to look for a channel, a conduit, a heat duct, to re connect to the heat and light from the fire's source. The conduit/heat duct/ pathway might be an old one that needs realigning or cleaning, or maybe you need to build a new pathway.
I think if you shared with someone what your blockage feels like to you, you might be able to let our some of the choking smoke from the fire that is with in you, and to be able to start feeling some of the heat and light that is there too.
<I added the smoke part Lil>
Are you talking about what ever is troubling you, with a professional or an empathetic person that has some skills in ways you need support?
And forget about feeling like people "might" be looking down on you. I am a thousand percent sure your good, vastly outweighs anything bad with in you. I think what you are feeling is what I call the black spot on the page. This mark >"."<, on a sheer of 8.5" X 11" paper and think the paper is not perfect. Technically you are right, the paper is not perfectly white, but who's paper is perfectly white?
Any way Chrom. It is good to see you at least post something. I can't do much IRL and in person, but I can offer my cyber support, which I am doing. Lots of other people are doing the same so keep posting no matter what is happening or how you feel.
Hang in there bud. We all want to see you make it.
Quote: ----------------------------------- I am basically in a place right now where I either break my heart or destroy my world. -----------------------------------
Okay, so if you leave your lover you break your heart, you destroy your world by going to your lover.
Did you ever end your affair Chromo?
The high school level drama is very typical of affairs.
A few facts for you.
- The majority of affairs end in less than two years.
- The "in love on a high school scale" will eventually go away and the brain will return to a more normal chemical balance. This almost always leaves the infidel feeling very foolish.
- The infidel's family -CHILDREN- and job will suffer as a result of an affair.
- ALL CHEATERS LIE. No exceptions.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Chrome, come on out with it. If you feel your only choices are "breaking your heart" and "destroying your family" then it's clear that your heart is captive to something/someone other than your family.
Hence, "breaking your heart" is to stop whatever relationship you are having outside of your marriage and "destroying your family" is to pursue the relationship at the expense of your family.
My suggestion would be to go to your family doctor, get on Welbutrin, which will help you stop wallowing in the cesspool of dramatic emotion long enough to get your head above the fog and make good decisions.
I never could understand why your wife didn't want to talk about your extramarital relationship. Her recent sexuality, based on what you had told us, I attributed to a last-ditch effort to have baby #4. However, with these latest hints of what you've actually been doing, I wonder if her recent hypersexuality is a result of knowing something is going on extramaritally.
Chrom , if you are really a Sexual Apprentice Looking for Master Training how about coming to school and reading what is suggested in the syllabus and be a student for real.
I don't know what is or is not going on but something in your post just don't seem right. I sense there is something you want "us" to drag out of you. If that was possible using a keyboard and a monitor (and related hardware) I would. So spill the beans as to what is "breaking your heart" or "destroying your family"
I rarely "tell" people what to do but I will follow up on what Ms. NOP is telling you. See someone locally and if meds will help go that route too. Call one of Michelle's Divorce busting C's and hash some things out with him or her. I am sure they heard it all before and have some good advice, that is if you will follow it. I don't think half telling and half holding back is going to make anything better.
What do you want? An azz kicking? Help? or something else? I know what would be good for me if I were in your shoes about now. I think we all got over $100 worth worth of help so whip out the credit card an call the DB help line or do the local thing ASAP.
Answers accepted on the SSM forum. Please use a keyboard, monitor, and related computer hardware/software to reply.
Chrom, I had a mean azz step dad, quit school after the 10th grade to work to support myself, was 22 before I ????, well enough of that. If I can do it (work on my M and myself) so can you is the short version.
Chrome,
If the NOPs suspicions are true, PLEASE come out of hiding and fess up. We are here to SUPPORT you not judge you. Fella, you helped me out when I was in a bad place and very very tempted. You may have already crossed the line. That does not make you any worse of a person than me - I tell you it would have taken ONE gesture from office guy to have had me over the line. If and it is a big if, their suspicions are true then PLEEEEEASE do as Lou says and get some direct one-one help. Feel free to e-mail me. I will add my e-mail address to my sig line for a limited time rather than leave it in a post where it will stay forever!
If this is not what is going on then maybe there is another take on this. I will tell you what I initially read into your statement that you must either break your heart or destroy your world.
I felt that you are not getting the level of EC back from MrsChrom that you would like. You are getting the sex and that is good and it is increasing your ec to her but you are feeling like it is a one-way street. I am guessing here that your feelings to her are something akin (or were something akin) to adoration and you would like to feel that she feels this way towards you. Your feeling that she does not adore you is what is breaking your heart. Your desire to be adored is what is making you think you should "destroy your world" and walk away from this R. The comment that other RL people said what you are going through is "common" is what made me think this. It is seeing the love-light in her eyes for the babies and not for you? Yes that is common.
Am I close?
If I am then please say so because I have a lot more to say about this.
((Chrome))
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
I'm posting on the board because any more of this secrecy is going to drive me batty.
Chrome I always knew you were as smart as they come but never knew you could be such a cunning LIAR. But as Nop says, all cheaters are liars. Still, I can't believe I got sucked into your attention-grubbing lies. I may not be Ms. Morality, or one to turn away attention, but I never once lied to you about my situation, my words to you, any of it. I truly thought of you as an amazing friend and thought you felt the same. How could you USE someone like that? All your words are bullsh*t and you know it. You act so innocent and sensitive and all along you've been pulling the wool over everyone's eyes, especially mine. Do you think I appreciate that everytime you felt lonely or hurt by the OW that you turned to me for some attention? Did you care about my feelings at all? Did you ever once think to tell me that OW was still in the picture like you clearly have told MANY people off of this board? And then to have the NERVE to say you have feelings for all three of us - OW, ME, and YOUR WIFE. Maybe you should throw a few more names in there while your at it. I'm pissed at you and disgusted with myself. WTF is wrong with me that I fell for your sob stories? Well, I am telling the board that enough is enough. They can choose to scream at me or ignore me, I don't care anymore. But I'm not going to sit back and let this sh*t fly on here if I can help it. I'm by no means perfect but I have been as honest as possible with you, the board, and myself. I apologize to all the board members for any harm I have caused. It stops now.
