Jokerman, The first step toward loving your wife is telling her you do and acting like it. Focus on her good qualities and learn to accept her negative qualities (and maybe even make them positive in your mind... for example, my daughter is aggressive, but I call it assertive and I'm proud that she's a strong and determined person).
If we can change the way we think (and people can do that), we can choose who we love. It may take some time, but I think eventually you hopefully will find enough in your wife that you'll develop a secure and deep love for her.
Dexter, You are right sometimes a marriage can't be saved. I'm having to come to term with the fact that mine very likely won't make it (thus my name here). This is very painful. Especially after working so hard to try and save it. Oh well... sometimes there's no choise but to go down with the ship.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
