Hello all...sorry I've been away a couple days. It's nice to know y'all care, even if it is tough love. One thing I do find interesting is that I never came here to talk about my own situation. I just wanted to help other people understand what might be going through the head of their cheating wife. But somehow y'all managed to get me tangled up in my own problems on here too. Not that I'm complaining...it's been good for me, given me a lot to think about.
A little bit of an update/ more information: * My H and I agreed to work on the M after I came clean with him 5 months ago. I stopped seeing other men including my SO. He had at least 4 different one night stands that I had to hear about from other people (but which he readily admitted to once I confronted him). * While I was in Nebraska for my brother's wedding, my H sold my cats. not a big deal to some, but to me my animals are family and he knew that. He did it to be deliberatly cruel. I was heartbroken when I returned home and he never so much as batted an eyelash. *Both my H and my SO are soldiers, which means the SO is facing an article 15 for violating a direct NC order involving me. He knew it would happen and chose the same path anyway...he's not sorry for facing the consequences, and so I try not to wallow in guilt either. Through the process of his investigation, both his chain of command and my H's have learned some disturbing things. My H has gone to more than one person on several occasions and made plans to have them assist in harming both the SO and myself. I would usually blow this off as him just venting/wanting revenge, but I know my H, and the chain of command thought he was serious enough that the SO was put in barracks for 72 hours for his own protection. * My H has gone on leave out of state and taken our only vehicle, while leaving me at home with my son, now 11 months old. * My H has changed the bank account in which his pay is automatically deposited so I have no direct access to funds, as well as overdrawing our joint account by several hundred dollars. * While I was in nebraska, my H and I spoke almost every night. Every time we spoke, he had been drinking.
This has moved beyond just being a nasty marital situation. My H is scaring me. My SO has stepped back so I can make my own decisions without his interference, while letting me know he's still here for me if things turn ugly. My conscience is on overload because I'm trying to balance what I feel is right with what I'm being told is right.
Quote: Jokerman I love your ideas around happiness. Why is it so many people seem to believe that their happiness is so much more important than the happiness of those around them?
Why is their happiness so much more important than mine? If we all have an equal right to happiness and mine should not come at the cost of hurting them, then what about vice versa? One of the recurring themes I see in threads on here is that a spouse dealing with their WAW/WAH should focus on improving themself while their spouse works their issues out. DB'ers keep telling them to do things they've always wanted to do and to work on their own life while they wait for their spouse to get their head on straight. That's not selfish, but me wanting my own happiness is?
Everything my H has done in the last five months to "fix" our marriage has been a front. he has been covertly undermining me the whole way, trying to ensure that he burns me and the SO as badly as possible. I have been wrong in a lot that I've done, but he has not been right.
Oh yeah, and about the threats. I will not be abused again. I've been beaten black and blue by someone who "loved" me. I was forced to do things at eleven and tweleve that some twenty-five year-old women wouldn't consider. I've lived in fear of someone, knowing that my life hung on what his whims were. I've been down that hole and I've spent most of the past five years trying to crawl back out of it...I'll be damned if he's going to be allowed to push me back again. Right, wrong, or in-between I'm not staying in a marriage with a man who wants to hurt me, physically or mentally.
