helping2heal
I've had a bit of a rough night, so this may be disjointed, but I'll do my best to answer you questions
*****But what about you? And doesn't it worry you that your kids will have a slightly bitter view of marriage?
This is where you and I differ. I'm not saying you do not at all. Do not take it that way.
I love my daughter SOOO much, I think SHE deserves me giving love a chance. Love is not some doey-eyed, warm and fuzzy crap. It's a choice. I DO NOT love my wife. I know I could do the "singles" thing and find a better looking woman, a smarter or funner woman. It is in my child's best interest if I can choose to love my wife. I may or may not get to that point. But I will give it one hell of a shot for my daughter.
And if I do fall in love with my wife, I will be happy. If not we I will move on with life.
WE ARE NOT entitled to happiness. That is a gross misconception. We are lucky if we end up happy. If we choose to be happy by others expense we are causing hurt to others...how can that world view be true to those who we hurt???
****Just a thought. It takes guts to make that kind of commitment, to subjugate your own happiness to the integrity of your family structure.
If my wife and I cannot work things out, I trust we will not bring them up in an environment that is counterproductive. We will be good co-parents, but they are worth at least giving it a shot.
My OW, who was here an hour ago yelling at me, is prettier, smarter and a lot more fun to be around than my wife. It would be very easy for me to take your world view and run off with her. But this is not just about me and her. Many others will be effected by that decision and that effect will be negative. How is that love??? It's not.
****As for being scared...no problem; I'm terrified on a daily basis
As hard as I have been on you, my heart goes out to you. I have NO tolerance for what you went through.
****But I refuse to live a life of quiet desperation.
But did you decide to try to fix the problem instead of focusing on the problems and "your" happiness???
*****I'm convinced that I'm making the right choices for me.
You do not KNOW that. IMO you have built up a self confidence to deal with the issues you had to deal with. That's a good thing. But you can't make every decision in life with such absolute certainty. Believe or not YOU do NOT have all the answers.
You have taken the first step by posting here.
Plus reading your post, all I hear is "me me me". I'm sure that goes back to your past, but you have to think of others because the decisions for "YOU" will effect others. If everyone had your world view, it would be a sad dark world.
Not to patronize, but you are intelligent. Just take some time to break down that wall you have built up. Think of others and not just yourself. You area strong person, but it takes a stronger person to shed their views on life and know they do not have all the answers.
You have so much potential and life ahead of you. I sense bitterness in you. Soften your heart. Think of others.
****And cliche or not, my SO is my soulmate. I think it'sad that our society has conditioned us to believe you can only have one
Unless you are a morman, it's not socitey. You are making an excuse for what you want.
My OW, who is calling me on my cell as I type, thought the same thing. That "soul mate" stuff is a load of Sh^t. You think that now....To be perfectly honest, and you have been honest with me, if you do not really look at life not just yours but life as a whole...you will not find that happiness you are looking for. All you will do is jump from situation to situation and justify it in your own mind and "make" it happiness or an experience that was "supposed" to happen
Damn. You really do control your own life and you are so close. You just don't see it yet.
The game of life is a hard play. We'll probably lose it anyway.
All we can do is our best and try to help others along the way.
