Thanks for replying...I enjoy the variety of thoughts and can gain some new perspective through this forum. In answer:
1) the sexual abuse (as well as the physical and emotional) did indeed have an enormous impact on my life. And yes, through therapy I have examined the possibility that some of my sexual appetites stemmed from the feelings of worthlessness that came from that treatment (i.e. why SHOULDN'T I allow men to treat me that way because I wasn't worth better anyway). But I know I'm not worthless and, though some of my behaviours did stem from this bottomless pit of despair, my desire to be with other men did not.
2) I knew what I was getting with my SO. Believe me, the fact that we met at a swinger's party hadn't escaped my notice. Our lives are fairly chaotic right now with two divorces (yes, he was married too...I'll take the bashing I have coming on that one) in progress and other complications, but would it suprise you that we might continue to swing once everything is settled?
3) Trust me, my memory is quite clear about my husband, and I DO remember the good times, quite a few of them. And as for the "excuse" that we shouldn't have gotten married...he almost called it off less than three weeks before the wedding, and it was more my pride at the wedding plans falling through that had me fixing things between us than anything else. Honestly, I knew at the time he was right. And cliche or not, my SO is my soulmate. I think it'sad that our society has conditioned us to believe you can only have one.
