Helping2heal,
A few things here. 1) sexual abuse, as you know, hurts deeply and has an enormous impact on how one views and partakes in sexuality. Having many partners is one way. Your courage is amazing but I wonder whether you have considered any therapy, counselling etc. for the abuse. Maybe you have but I feel it important to point you in that direction if you haven't. 2) You met your current love at a "swingers party". I hope you realize that infidelity is often a repetitive pattern. It becomes a way of coping when a m isn't going well e.g. the bills need paid, she's too tired for sex etc. Watch out. Actually, you may be the one who steps out on him. 3) You mention that you and he are spiritually connected in some way. I can bet almost every spouse in an affair has met his/her "soulmate"(I know mine has). It's a typical (and worn out) reason to leave a marriage. Usually m starts to go south when the day to day problems of existence creep in. In the A all the day to day issues aren't there, it's just you and him, the centre of each others universe. It can be the biggest fantasy around. Beware of it. Also when you say that you knew from the start you never should have gotten married, that is another common one. The A colours everything and selective memory sets in. You remember the bad but forget the good. You make a case for whatever it is you want to do. I was told my w was never happy in our m. Again, selective memory. Anyway, I hope my rambling is helpful in some way and thanks for having the courage to share with us.
Hi, forgot to mention my view of fear . Fear is an important feeling to respect. It keeps us from doing some dumb things. It is meant to bring risk to our attention. But you are right, don't let it dominate your life, use it as the tool it was intended to be!
