Quote: she's only "O" during the middle of the night when I've used my fingers and she's half alseep.
Setting yourself up for trouble there, my friend. How did you know if she was "half asleep"? If you did it while she was fully asleep, that's pretty violative, if you ask me. I'd focus on dealing with her level of discomfort directly, rather than to try to sneak under the radar.
Hairdog, whose W has accused him of sexual assault, when she woke up to find him fondling her breast...and he thought she was "half awake" and okay with it.
