I have not been on this board for almost a year now. Some of it has been rocky, but for the most part, the advice I received from black foot, lillie, chrissy & jak as well as many others helped me beyond belief. Long story short. My husband and I are together again, stronger than ever. Counseling did help but I think the advice I received here helped even more. Thank you to eveyone who helped me through a part of my life that i really hope I will never have to go through again.My H still has his fantisies, but I have learned to work them into our sex life. His midlife crisis seems to have gone away. I am just going with that and am happy with our life we have right now. I guess sometimes things do work out... just wait
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
Thanks GEL. I still have my moments, but I realize that they are just that. Moments. It is hard to trust and feel secure after what we went through, but I have been able to do that. All the advice I received here and through friends did help alot.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
Gel, I do have a few questions for you if you don't mind. I am asking you because you were the one person who seemed to understand. H still seems to have these fantisies about me having sex with another man while he watches. It does not bother me as much as it did when he first mentioned it, but this is one thing that has not changed. Even though we are doing much better in our realationship issues, he still brings this up. It does not bother me like it did before when there were other issues, but for him it still seems important. I have done things like having him watch while we are having sex and talking to him etc.. I guess I am just trying to figure out what I can do. Everything else is great. Is there any advice you have for this? I am the HD one and even though my H wants to sometimes... well he has some issues. That does not bother me as much as the wanting to see me have sex with someone else. I guess I just want to know if this is normal. I don't want to see him have sex with another woman... why would he want to see this? Well, GEL or any one who might have an opinion on this...
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
I don't think this is normal in a married relationship. But I am very old fashioned. I think it would be opening a very bad can of worms to do so. Have you told him this bothers you? Or ask him what he thinks marriage is about as far as morals? Maybe he is suggesting this because he feels he doesn't satisfy you??
Well if this is just fantasy and he's not actually pushing for it...leave it alone and chalk it up to simply fantasy that turns his mind on.
If he's pushing for it...nip it. Tell him it's never gonna happen because you know YOU can't handle what it would do to you emotionally and because of that your M couldn't handle it either...then tell him that's the last you want to hear of it.
Sometimes people verbalize their fantasies...just to hear them. So...how's he going about this?
Hey RollerCoaster- Thanks for stopping by my thread last week. I've tracked you down over here. I'm so glad that you and your H are back together! It definitely gives me hope. It seems that you've been through a sitch similar to mine, and would love to get your feedback as to how I should proceed. Please stop by my thread when you get a chance. Thanks in advance. My sitch
M 33
WAH 33
M 6 years
No Kids
Bomb 4/21/06
he filed for divorce
he filed for divorce - now what? part I
I think it just really turns him on to talk about it. I have made it clear that talking is one thing, doing is another. I have told him that I would not do this. We have found other ways to get around this and seems to satisfy his need to watch without me compromising my position.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
