You are absolutely right! There is a ton of stuff already wrong with my marriage. It was happening before the suspicions of an A. I knew it then. I confronted the porn, the e-mailing other women, the pictures, the letters, and the flirting. I grew insecure over that and talked to him about it countless times.
I believe that it was in my face the whole time. I said before and I'll say it again. I don't think my H ever loved me and I have tried. I want so much for this to work but if he doesn't want it to, it won't. He likes flirting and all the rest to much. I am not the woman he wants nor will I ever be. I realize that now, I was always just so afraid to try this on my own.
I wanted my children to have a father, a steady home, security, stability, all of that. I didn't feel it was right of me to take that away. I really don't want a divorce but both parties have to want to make it work eventually. I alone can not keep this together. I will give it my all but if he wants out then I can do nothing but let him go.
I have to stop being afraid of tomorrow and look ahead for today. I will accept what comes and know that it is God's will. I can only do so much and if the end is here, there is not a lot I can do about it. I will prepare myself for battle probably in the courts as well as in the home. It will not be an easy war and one I wish wasn't happening. It is though and I have to face that.
I wish the best to all of you and hope your marriages are going smoother then mine is. Mine just keeps inching towards the crapper.
