Kissed it seems that you are at times are hung up on wither you H is in a PA or not. You also say that things were bad anyway. Why worry about the A? You already know that there are other problems and that is the cause of your sitch. A or not those issues are still going to be there. Work on the things that you can control and stop worrying about the things you can't.

If you think he is having an A, then just treat it like he is. Anything you say or do isn't going to change that. Knowing that he is and why isn't going to change anything or help in any way shape or form. He has to change that himself. Let him find his own way. You need to work on yourself and what is important to you.

You already said or implied that you have a low self esteem, so work on making your self better. I know you a strong enough otherwise you wouldn't be here posting and talking about your sitch. Make things the best that they can be for your kids and yourself.

"Our life is what our thoughts make it." Marcus Aurelius