I thank you all once again for your honesty and insight.
Everyone is right. I have a very low self-esteem and am trying to get better at that. I am working out, homeschooling my 3 children, trying to write, make new friends, keep old ones and all of that.
I think my H has had an EA if not a PA with one or more women. I think this: that my H has never loved me, never cared and doesn't now. I was pregnant before we got married and I believe he resents this even now. I think his family thinks I trapped him! Believe me I didn't, I was very honest and open about my beliefs and about birth control.
I was in the emergency one night for at least 6 hours. To make a long story short I had kidney stones, possibly, still don't really know. He didn't do anything, no card, no get well, nothing. His favorite restaurant-the one with the waitress, the boss was in the hospital with kidney failure. We went out to eat one night-to his favorite restaurant and he picked up a get well card for the manager. He gave it to his favorite waitress and talked for 5-10 minutes at least. You know what I get when this happens to me (granted I did not have kidney failure but I am talking about MY H) he yells at me the morning I get back from the hospital! He wouldn't even drive me to my drs. appt. to verify what was wrong.
The whole thing is this: I want my marriage to work but I do believe my H does not love me. I do believe he is having an A. He doesn't want me hanging with his friends, he makes fun of me, to them and the list goes on. He thinks that I am so stupid. How can anyone have a high self esteem if the man I love hates me. He despises me and everything about me. I am sorry to be so negative but this is the truth.
I do appreciate all responses and know that I cannot change him. I can not make him love me or stop flirting. I am getting on with my life even though this sounds horrible. I have started to change and am beginning to like myself but this all takes time. Bear with me and thank you for all your input. Much thanks and don't feel bad for me, God is with me and everything is going to be alright.
