You know affairs are really interesting. People think it's just because the man or woman who is the cheater wants to jump in the sack with whomever they can. I'm not saying that may not happen, but that was not my case.
I have gotten so much clarity lately. It began about a month ago. Through my work I get three free hours of legal advice. I used it to find our more about the divorce process. Basically we have three young kids and my wife's family is far far away. I was afraid that if I did get a divorce, my wife would take my kids and move away. The lawyer said they were so young there was nothing I could do to keep her from moving. He suggested that I move back in the house for a year, journal all the time I spend with them, go to counseling to show and honest effort and then file.
I went back home and have been since. I do not and will not journal. My wife knows I am a good dad. When I told the OW why I had go back home, she freaked out. I asked her to give me all my stuff because I had to go back home and live there for at least a year. (I was still in delusional love at this point). She said more awful things about me than any woman ever has. I tried to explain this was the only way I would have a chance at 50/50 custody. As much as I talked about my kids around her, I thought she would understand. Hell she went through a custody battle in her divorce and lost. I thought she would be more empathetic (sp)
Then it started to hit me. When I left my wife, she was not happy but she did not act NEARLY like the OW was acting. The OW did not care at all that I could lose my kids and was doing what the lawyer said to keep them in my life with 50/50 custody. All she cared about was my catering to her every need.
That really was the start of my head clearing from the cloud of the affair. She actually wanted me to make a decision between having my kids in my life with 50/50 custody or having them miles and miles away and being with her. You may think I'm a dirtball, but I am a good dad and love my kids.
Look I know I'm not the victim here, but the OW going after a married man whew! I was selfish for getting into the affair, but I would never ask her to do anything to take her away from her child.
I really would like to start a forum for us cheaters. I may or may not be able fix my mess, but I have learned a lot about the dynamics of an affair and why men do it. I am disgusted with myself, but I am more ill with the thought of the selfish OW.
I don't blame spouses for leaving after their spouse had an affair. It is the wrong thing to do, however, (at least in my case) there was a reason for it. My marriage may be done, but I would like to help other men who are caught up in what I was and help give them clarity.
