For all male cheaters out there plz a few question

[seporateddadof2]

Wow thats alot of Questions. Well I am a H who cheeted and I am here because my W cheeted on me and left. I cheeted early on in our R before and during our M. My W had her suspissions and I wasnt very good at hiding my A either. I have learned alot about A since my W left and if you think your H is having an PA or EA you are probably right. If you ask a ton of questions about it or the OW you will push him further away from you and closer to OW.

I am a firm believer that a M can work after an A and there is lots of advice on how in DR and DB and here on this site.

What got my attention most was my W leaving, breaking up with me is how she put it. She wasnt angry she wasnt mean she was serious and it wasnt a threat or ultimatum she was done. Me taking her seriously in our R was a major fault of mine and when she folowed through with her earlier threat to leave it really hit me hard.

signs your H is cheating....Distancing from you or R, getting angry over stupid stuff, this helps him justify the A, changes in appearance calogne going out. lame excuses for staying out late or going out. hiding things or being secretive. there are tons of things some subtle some obveous.

When my W got suspisious i would deny deny deny called her crazy paranoid untrusting anything i could think of to through her off.

Sure the spouse has hope of capturing the love of the cheater. but first you have to be someone that can be loved. you have to love yourself. be your own person. detach from your WAS and GAL. Be the person your H fell in love with in the first place.

I dont know of any super subtle signs of an A If they are undetectable then they are just undetectable. IF you instincts tell you there is a problem and it points to an A then trust yourself and your instincts. even if there isnt an A there is a problem. If there is an A the only solution is to first fix what led to that point.

If your H is telling you you are crazy its your immagination and so on he is either having an A or he is just abusive. im betting he is doing both.

some 180s
stop asking about OW
stop asking if there is an A
start spending more time on you
spend time with your Friends
start being mysterious
change anything subtle or not
food clothes hair makeup activities with kids
hobbies
very important go out and have some fun.

The good news. Yes your M can be saved. yes you can be happy again. Yes you have found one of the greatest tools to saving your M... this site. Read DB and DR get some coaching its worth it. Dont worry about the OW being smarter faster cuter whatever. she isnt. and couldnt compete even if she was a supermodel/saint whatever. you are awsome and you need to remember that and own it. It is very normal to be angry and you should be. you have been betrayed by someone you love. everything you are feeling is normal and you should talk about those feelings with someone you trust or here. just as long as you have an outlet.

I hope i was able to answer some of your Q. I am sorry to find you here. You are in the right place though. come back often post often and read all you can. There is hope. I made some terrible choices that hurt my W deeply and yes i do have a degree of understanding of how. Change can happen. miracles can happen.