Probably one of the reasons you got the response you did from her is that, to her....you appear to be flip-flopping on what you want.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing that you talked to her or anything like that...but stop worrying about her reactions, she needs to own them. What you were doing was considerate....but when someone's angry at you (which she definitely appears to be) sometimes just the mere fact that you are nice to them when they're being snotty rubs salt in the wound and (at that time) just makes them throw their hands in the air and go "whatever!" in a huff. That was her reaction to what you said...let her live with that reaction, don't try to smooth it over....don't rescue her from it.
You two definitely need counseling HG. The communication between you two really needs someone to help it along...and as a side benefit might help her depression as well.
