Hi GH, Nice to see your sitch is interesting as always I was a single mom for 18 years, and people used to say how hard that was, and I would say, "I don't know how married people do it!" because it looked even more complicated to me! But one thing I learned was the importance of having adult time. I had a baby sitter scheduled 2 nights per week, every week. Tuesdays and Fridays. If I didn't have any plans, or a class, or anything I was doing, I still kept the babysitter and went walking downtown, hang out in a bookstore, or took myself to dinner or to a movie. It is just really really important. I'd have the sitter come at 7, so it was only 1 hour before bedtime anyway, and it really worked for me. My daughter loved her time with her regular sitters, which is good for them too. So I don't know what the "work in progress" issue is about a babysitter, but your oldest son is 6 and your little one is 3, and you still don't have this worked out? Your M is at stake here. I am serious GH. Your W has been talking and talking about needing a break. And on your anniversary the kids were still with you all day and night. I am not saying this to be harsh GH, but come on.... If your M is a priority, then get a regular babysitter, set up at least one (if not two) dates nights per week, and start spending some romantic time together. Or one of you will end up pursuing adult time without their spouse... I guarantee you, money spent on a babysitter is better spent than money on a ring right now - so don't give the $$$ is tight speech. Because we all make choices about how we spend money. And you are not making your M and quality time together a priority.
OK. Hope that wasn't too harsh. I love you GH, so I think you can take it from me. If not, please let me know. I believe this is more of an issue of your issues with communication with your W than anything else. You need to assert yourself here, this is a top priority need for you and for your M, even if you are not present to that day to day. YOU solve it and make the M a priority. I guarantee you, your W will appreciate it once the pattern kicks in.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
I was a single mom for 18 years, and people used to say how hard that was, and I would say, "I don't know how married people do it!" because it looked even more complicated to me! But one thing I learned was the importance of having adult time. I had a baby sitter scheduled 2 nights per week, every week. Tuesdays and Fridays. If I didn't have any plans, or a class, or anything I was doing, I still kept the babysitter and went walking downtown, hang out in a bookstore, or took myself to dinner or to a movie. It is just really really important. I'd have the sitter come at 7, so it was only 1 hour before bedtime anyway, and it really worked for me. My daughter loved her time with her regular sitters, which is good for them too. So I don't know what the "work in progress" issue is about a babysitter, but your oldest son is 6 and your little one is 3, and you still don't have this worked out? Your M is at stake here. I am serious GH. Your W has been talking and talking about needing a break. And on your anniversary the kids were still with you all day and night. I am not saying this to be harsh GH, but come on.... If your M is a priority, then get a regular babysitter, set up at least one (if not two) dates nights per week, and start spending some romantic time together. Or one of you will end up pursuing adult time without their spouse... I guarantee you, money spent on a babysitter is better spent than money on a ring right now - so don't give the $$$ is tight speech. Because we all make choices about how we spend money. And you are not making your M and quality time together a priority.
