Quote: Even a loving caress will hurt wounded skin.
I think your W is really vulnerable - I have read that during the withdrawal period, there's little that can be done by you that will have any positive impact. She just needs to get through this.
Yep. I agree 100%. I should realize this more but my frustrations build and I cannot allow that. I have to diffuse myself. I know I have taken a LOT of the blame for my sitch in the past, sometimes justifiably and sometimes not so much. This time, I REALLY believe if I can control my emotions, emotions that are MAINLY a reaction to things I create in my head, then my sitch would progress MUCH faster.
Quote: You said you were going to stop looking for the effect what you do has on the sitch. Now it seems like you jumped right back into that comfortable place.
I'm afraid some smart$$ is going to go find where I said this and quote me ( ) but I don't really remember saying that... I guess what I did say was that I was content to just be me and stop overanalyzing everything. If I didn't say that, I meant it and it's what I want to do. I want to just enjoy being myself and stop changing every week because of things that change in my sitch. What I discovered a long time ago is that I am happiest just expressing my feelings, POSITIVE feelings for my W. The only reason I want to stop doing that is because we are separated or because she asks me to. So far neither has happened. I choose to stop because of feelings I had. I REACTED to my W's feelings and changed my whole way of doing things. I have to decide what works in my sitch and what does not, and so far, up until a couple weeks ago, what I was doing seemed to be working so long as I got out of my own way to let it.
Quote: She wanted me to be affectionate, she wanted me to make advances. I think this is because it defines her security, and it also gives her a sense of power and value. I struggle with the "expression of feelings" thing too, and because we're in different places in our sitches, my feeling may not apply. I have conflicting emotions because of the degree of closeness I'm allowed. The good feelings (both expressed and resulting from the closeness) stimulate negative feelings as well. I would rather hold off and wait until we're in a better place somewhat for fear of becoming distracted and being lead and mislead by lower levels of my consciousness. As for your resentment being fueled by you NOT expressing your feelings physically, do you resent her for putting you in a position where you can't allow yourself this expression? I think you need to clearly choose to take responsibility for these actions in order to avoid resentment.
I DO want to choose to take responsibility for my actions, something I HAD done and stopped. I started merely reacting again. I think, since I AM supposed to be reconciling (SUPPOSED TO BE) I am in a better place to take a risk. I think my risk is not really a risk at all. I am just going to be me. I actually told her, albeit my angrily than I would like, that I am simply going to be me and be damned with the consequences. I am tired of pretending to be someone I am not. She may think, because of the way it came out, that I mean I will be MORE angry and abrasive but I think if I am true to myself, free from reaction to her or our sitch (as much as humanly possible) I will be MUCH more compassionate and empathetic towards her. I will BE unconditionally loving towards her AND myself. I don't want to be angry anymore. I decided I didn't want that several weeks ago and find myself back here again. Time to get back on the horse. It's what I want to do.
Quote: Well, the great thing about that perspective is that you can snap into it at any moment. You acted, now you can step back and try and make sense out of what is happening without attachment to any of your actions. It seems like you are doing that to some degree already, but I think the more attached you are to your actions, the more resentment you tend to build.
Amen. I think I was actually playing off this idea in the part above. I want to stop this cycle and I think I can. It's simply a choice.
) but I don't really remember saying that... I guess what I did say was that I was content to just be me and stop overanalyzing everything. If I didn't say that, I meant it and it's what I want to do. I want to just enjoy being myself and stop changing every week because of things that change in my sitch. What I discovered a long time ago is that I am happiest just expressing my feelings, POSITIVE feelings for my W. The only reason I want to stop doing that is because we are separated or because she asks me to. So far neither has happened. I choose to stop because of feelings I had. I REACTED to my W's feelings and changed my whole way of doing things. I have to decide what works in my sitch and what does not, and so far, up until a couple weeks ago, what I was doing seemed to be working so long as I got out of my own way to let it. 
