GH--haven't posted to you in a while. As usual, you're doing swell....picking yourself back up each day and digging into the self-awareness....what a great guy!
From your latest conversation, I would venture to say this....be careful. Not of your W, but of yourself. She is watching everything you do/say....she has enough faith in you and the M to keep watching, it's a sign that she still has hope that things can change, though she may project differently. So, keep that in mind and continue your introspection and new actions.
Another thing, she's trying to tell YOU to WATCH HER. Do that. Remember the premise of the LL's....you don't always receive in teh way you do....she will not show you in ways you show, but in her own way. Would it be nice if she showed you in ways you do/want (talking)....YES....but, then again, shouldn't we all be loved for who we are, and showing the other person love at all. LL's teaches us to give how the other person wants to give, but we often forget the flip side of it...recognizing how the other person gives and loving them for that....learning to take pleasure and excitement over the wya they show their love for us.
So, watch her. Be grateful for the little things. Show her your gratitude, without overdoing it. Positive reinforcement goes a long way. Don't forget either, that her indifference to the A is her guilt turned outwards. It's still too hard to face....it's hard for her to accept your love....technically SHE is not really "over it" either....she pressures you to be, so she can be. Reality is, she has to face these things to really let her emotions come out, and to be ablet o do something as simple as talk.
You appreciating the little things will let her not feel so low about herself....will make her feel that she CAN make up for her transgressions. But, be sure you're not always caught up in making her feel good about her sins....make sure that you do get some closure with her, that she reaches out to take care of you.
You're in a delicate phase now....keeping up the detachment, but reaching out in ways that are needed right now.
The more you appreciate the simple things she does do to make you feel safe (not talk on phone or go out at night), the more she will see you need this now, and maybe she'll try.
Don't forget that there is STILL an amount of uncontrollable issues here...her guilt, her shame and her ability to forgive herself and come out of this. This is where you have to get comfortable with uncertainty and let her figure this out for herself and let this ride out.
I promise you....drop the rope, turn back to you and be a friend. It will come.
