Back to Square Zero - GH Saga

[MuddleThrough]

Well, actually, her taking the initiative, even though it SEEMED a little aggressive the way I posted it, to talk to me about the phone thing was a LOT closer to empathy than she's had in the past. It's a step. She was clearly concerned that I was upset but still stuck in that place where she's going to blame ME for things that get me upset. I think she is realizing that she needs to change that approach.

I think this is important. We have spent a lot of time owning our issues, and when they come around, we can't help but to be ahead of them in this process and it will take time and effort for them to catch up. I think you are right in noting her efforts and shift in perspective.

She seems to "get" that she actually has to DO something

Good, then she just needs the time to figure out through trial and error exactly what those actions are. Or she could go out and buy a book

My W is clearly a taker and I am a giver. We are BOTH comfortable with that but since all this happened, I have realized that I want/need more from her and have told her just what I wanted.

I would hazard a guess that she NEEDS to become more of a giver for her own satisfaction in the R. I think that in order for her to feel more fulfillment from the R she needs to give more love through her actions. I think there needs to be a balance struck whereby both partners are reciprocating these roles functionally. Just because you can go without, and perhaps thrive on giving, doesn't mean that this is ideal.