Well, whatisis, you were right, BTW, honesty is one thing, being an a-hole is another... I crossed that line I think. Aw, who knows.
Anyway, what I am talking about is that when I got home this afternoon, we all piled in the car to go to the mall. I decided that I would just say something to W about this morning. I truly didn't think it would go badly...oops.
I asked her why her phone had been on vibrate (she said that's why she didn't get my calls) since the kids were with a sitter and she is usually worried silly about stuff like that...
W: Oh, here it comes. I was waiting for this. Go ahead. M: Waiting for what? W: For you to act like this. You do it everytime I go out of the house it seems. M: No I don't, but since I am "doing it" let me just be very straight forward (mind you, kids were in the car so we had to be a bit cryptic). Did you meet anyone today? W: No. I went shopping. Why do you always do this? M: Do what? Get a feeling and then ask you about it? I don't usually do that. I usually get all passive/agressive, hold it in and then... W: No, you're doing that now. You probably stewed on this all day and now here comes the explosion. M: Cut me some slack. I can't help it if I feel this way SOMETIMES and it's NOT all the time. What happened this morning felt wrong to me and then not being able to get ahold of you all day make that feeling grow. I just wanted to ask you directly about it. That's what you want right? Now I ask you and you still get pissed. I can't win. Actually, I don't really care about winning, I just don't want to be angry so I chose to just speak my mind. Sorry if that bothers you. W: It doesn't bother me that you are speaking your mind, it's HOW you do it that bothers me. M: Well, like I said, I tried the direct approach this time. That didn't work very well. You don't really like to talk about these things. W: I do, but I knew it would be this way. M: Ok, if you knew it was going to be this way, that I was feeling funny about this morning, why didn't you just reassure me? Is that so hard? W: I'm not like that. I can't talk that much. It gives me a headache. M: Well, ok, I get that. So you expect me to observe your actions for evidence that things are different. I've tried that too and from what I can see, you still won't touch me, you still don't like to be touched by me so what's changed? That, plus the converstaion we had the other night paints a pretty clear picture for me. W: Do you think I would be talking about buying a ring if I had not resolved that for myself? M: Like I said, why not just SAY that, or DO something to show me your feelings have changed?
(I reached over and touched her leg)
M: THAT is how I know you care. THAT is how I give and recieve love and without that, I am really left to try to mind read, something I decided I don't want to do anymore. W: I give up. It's always going to be like this. M: No, it's not, but you thinking I have no right to my feelings is not helping. Anyway, I decided the other day to do things differently and I guess I still have some work to do. W: Why can't you just drop it? M: Because I don't think you understand, but you know what? You're right, I will drop it.
That was about it. I only say I was an a-hole because I did beat it into the ground. As OT would say, I interrogated her and that was the LAST thing I wanted to do. It was a backslide for sure. I should have kept my mouth shut, at least THIS time, but you know what? I don't regret it.
The rest of the night has been great. I just need to work on my delivery.
