Mama, I don't FEEL desperate and needy anymore. I feel like if my W gets something from me, it's because I am giving it to her NOT because I allow her to take it. It's a really powerful distinction. I also have to admit that I have been reading (er...listening) again.
The two books (actually one is not really a book) I am currently listening to are "Controlling Your Anger Before it Controls You" and "The Pema Chodron Audio Collection". The first should be obvious, and it's WAY overdue, and the second, a collection of speeches by a Buddist nun.
I have to say, the Buddhist stuff was on a whim. I actually like eastern philosophy quite a bit so it really isn't a stretch. From what I have heard so far, about an hour, it is REALLY good stuff. It's all about meditation and not making such a big deal out of things. It's a really good compainion to the other, more straight forward anger managment book.
I think the message that both books send, about how our BELIEFS about things are often the direct path towards anger and negative feelings could not have come at a better time. BOTH books have really helped me understand how my beliefs in the INTENT or the moral RIGHTNESS of certain things is clouding my ability to NOT react to them. It's kinda the missing key to detachment for me.
Anyway, mama, I am better now, and I really believe that because I was better BEFORE things were anything but uncertain and really, worse than the past couple months. I feel that since I STARTED being "ok" when things were down, now that they MAY be starting up again, it's not only because of that I am feeling better. That's important to me.
Thanks for the words of encouragment. I hope I can keep it up.
