Ok, so here I am, all content in my new world, with my new outlook and then...
W called me a few minutes ago (returning a call from me about paying a bill).
W: What's up? M: Just wanted to tell you I paid xxx and that you don't need to pay it. They called me because it's overdue. W: Ok. M: (talked about some car issues because a co-worker just got the same car my W has and I found out a lot of things I didn't know about it) W: You didn't ask about the drama going on here this morning. M: Ok, what's the drama? W: Well, you know that GF was supposed to drop off her kids this morning, right? Well, I knew she was wishy-washy about it last night and sure enough, she's going to take them with her instead. So I decided to call the babysitter and take the morning/early afternoon to myself to do some shopping and look for a ring (more on this later). I need a break after this week, and the weekend is going to be crazy so... M: Ok. That's great. I know you've been tired. The only problem I have is that for this is the second time you've gotten a babysitter for "you" to do your daily stuff when I have gone so far as to BEG you to get her for "us". I hate feeling that way, and as I said the other night, I am done begging in any way. I know things are not in a way where we would probably go "out" but I would damn sure like to at least see a movie or something. I need a break too. W: Why do you get so angry every time I say I want to do something for myself. I just wanted to take some time off this morning and you get all pissy. M: If you notice, I am not angry, I am just disappointed that you don't recognize that we BOTH need a break and it would be nice to get a babysitter, something I have lobbied for YEARS for, for US. W: Ok, I will tell her I want her to babysit sometime. M: Ok. W: I still don't see why you react this way. M: Well, to be honest, after our talk the other day, I guess I have my doubts about things you do for "you". I should NOT react this way though, you're right. W: Didn't you hear me say I wanted to look for a new ring? Isn't that what you want? Isn't that progress? M: Well, yes, I heard that but you know what, I asked you a direct question about that because I wanted to know what it meant, at a time that was "good" in terms of not being late, etc, and you didn't answer the question. I asked you again the next day and you, once again, didn't answer the question. I suppose this idea of telling me you're shopping for a ring is your way of answering the question. My problem is that I feel like that is a much deeper issue than can be addressed by subtle messages. Here's the thing. I want you to have a new ring. Yes, that's what I want, but I sure as hell don't want it to be $xxxx wasted because it becomes obsolete in a month, or a year. W: I thought we were past that. M: How do you figure that? After the other night, we are right back in the middle of it. W: No, we are not. M: Ok, well in that case, please look for a ring and let me know what you find. We can talk about the rest later. And for the record, you have been AMAZING with the boys the past few weeks. You have really done your best to make sure their summer was great and I DO think you deserve a break. You have worked your a$$ off and I appreciate that, but more than me, the boys do. I just wanted you to know that. When I get upset at the baby-sitting thing, it's just because of what it represents to me, us not going out, and the possibility of something else going on, neither of which are really something I want to dwell on right now. W: Thank you for saying that. It's all I wanted to hear. I feel like I did all this and nobody noticed. M: I noticed but with all that's been going on, I failed to let you know I did. W: Ok. I'll call you if I find anything.
Um... Reading that back, I see that it looks like she said we're not in that "quasi-affair" place and I just accepted that. There was more said, I'm sure, but the gist of it was that she said she WAS committed to making this work between us and the ring was her main way of showing that. I have my suspicions but you know what, my W is NOT the kind of woman who really loves jewelry so she would not buy a ring just to have it. If she gets one, she'll wear it and what that means, I don't really know.
All this is nice and really, actually makes me smile a bit, but as I said, it changes nothing. I still don't know what tomorrow will bring and she has a LONG way to go towards earning my trust again. Right now, I clearly do not trust her but you know what, oh well.
