Quote: That doesn't mean accept all her requests to be close to her, just be loving in the way you decline.
Yes SS, this is the key to me. Actually, I have found a way to somehow let her know that I am available to her without NEEDING to be if that makes any sense. Since I am a person who really LIKES to be needed, that is a pretty big shift. I am no longer afraid she thinks I am being distant or anything like that. She KNOWS why I am the way I am and she knows what it would take for me to be different. She's seen the difference in me but I had to pull that back for my own sake. Now, if she ASKS me for closeness, I give it to her within reason but I almost never initiate it myself. There is a difference there, a subtle but powerful difference that I think is making BOTH of our lives better.
Shippd, I do believe that indeed, we all get to a point where we learn the most valuable thing this site and these people teach us and that is to MAKE DECISIONS, TAKE ACTION and then OWN OUR DECISIONS. For you, that meant taking a different path than many of us would take but you know what? You were true to your heart and followed your instincts, NOT your emotions and it got you somewhere.
The danger, I think, is when we make those kinds of radical shifts in "being" from a place of emotion and not peaceful reflection on the big picture.
I am just glad to have afforded myself some peace after weeks of turmoil. My mind is a little more rested now and I am much better able to participate in my life because I understand that this sitch is NOT my whole life.
I will keep repeating this mantra because I truly believe it is fact; I don't know what will happen tomorrow. I could go back to being a walking basket case or I could wake up and remember what made me happy today. My W could tell me she's made a terrible mistake (again) and recommit (again) to our marriage, or she could drop more bombs. I am ok with that uncertainty... at least for today.
